me...all over the place.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by legendary.sunshine, May 26, 2008.

  1. I'm so sad..and tired...of myself.

    I wish things could be as simple as "My parents hate me and I want to die" or "My only TRUE love left me" or "I'm addicted to crack and the comedowns are so depressing" or "I'm failing school and theres no hope of fixing it" ..."blah blah stupid excuse.." ...but its not....

    I'm both victim and violator in my world. I'm expected to save myself, to turn myself into the world...I tried last time...but my circumstances have left me so fucked up....have left those around me to see me as being "better than ever before" and I continue to put on this show, this masquerade for them. I'm so tired of lying....I laugh somedays because they all are so unaware...that I've already decided to kill them...that I'm pulling this off so brilliantly..that all I do is use them..

    and at the same time, I'm so disgusted with myself.. for doing these things...for what I'm going to do...for what I've done. Everytime they make me mad all I can think to do is stab them or I laugh to reassure myself that I'll get mine.

    I really do wish someone would kill me first.

    Good luck comprehending what I've said.
  2. Choma

    Choma Member

    There are no 'victims' and 'violators'. Only people in all their completely flawed glory.
    Experiencing satisfying visions of gory vengeance upon those who sicken you is not a crime. In fact, it's only human. I do it regularly. You wouldn't kill someone. You aren't that evil. You're just a brilliant mind, frustrated by the idiots surrounding you. And you occasionally find solace in a world where your frustrations are satisfied. No one has ever lived an entire life without escaping to that world at least once.

    Define your own goals. People want you to fit into their pathetic, "civilized" notions of brilliance. But you don't need to. You don't need to please anyone.

    There are others like you. Look for them. The crowd bores and sickens you, find a different crowd. You might have to look quite hard though.