Me and the DVDs!!!!

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by jimk, Nov 2, 2012.

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  1. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    In years past collected VHS movies on videotape.. had thousands of those first.. Then dvd came along.. clearer picture and better sound.. less room and lasted almost forever with a little good care.. Irrestible..

    Well been at least 12 to 15 yrs now have been stocking up.. It went totally over the top by me. 4000 plain dvd movies at least… 1200 or so bluray movies.. being conservative 1500 television seasons.. 60% at least in unopened cellophane packaging.. 13 sets of big shelves throughout the house.. floor to ceiling..

    5 dvd and bluray players.. Yamaha sound system and receiver. Ton of big speakers.. Last year finally bought the television set to go with this all.. a 55 inch 3D hidef Panasonic with many trimmings.

    Started collecting music to burn on computer 12 yrs ago or so.. napster first after aol and few other websites closed… napster had almost everything.. Beginning of this yrs approx. I bought my first ipad2.. itunes was something I could not resisit.. this ipad was 32GB and filled with music quickly.. all varieties and listen to them before johnny wakes up.. also full of kindle books of all kinds… reading kindle on an ipad is wonderful..

    Few months ago wanted more storage on new ipad.. bought ipad3 with 64GB… more music and more books.. still use first ipad while 2nd is charging.. take with me to appts and read kindle in waiting rooms.. easier than avoiding looking at other ppl.. 2nd has still got 28GB left and used so far.. nifty bit of engineering and learn more nifty lil tricks daily..

    Johnny and I did broke for many years.. after my parents finally passed turned out grandma had money.. split tween 4 grandkids it was still a lot of each at that time… still got big chunk sitting in bank and annuity..

    Now to point of all this!!! I got enuf for 10 families.. when I kick the bucket someone is going to have one hell of a garage sale of lots of stuff.. lot unopened and in new condition. Why oh why did I buy all of this???? Answer is easy according to addiction book I just read.. my early years were very damn unpleasant… they were not good people and just leave it there now.. holes and lots of shut donw areas in my being.. too painful so covered up and dissociations forever..

    Shopping gives a shot of adrenaline, dopamine, and endorphins which had been missing and shut down.. direct shots… shortly after getting the merchandise I feel ashamed, disappointed and down.. more stuff never going to use disgusts me often. But that did not make me stop..

    Well I am almost stopped now.. couple of songs once in awhile. Occasional alblum. Hit movie or two a month.. hit tv shows have to have.. much cheaper and better than the $1500 a month had been spending forever.. sort of knew I was trying to fill holes that could not be filled this way but just had to keep going and could not help myself..

    Well after reading in the realm of hungry ghosts by psychiatrist gabor mate I now understand what I had been doing.. and why… like doc mate I have not stopped altogher.. just more thought and control now.

    Boy I was one crazy assed son of a bitch for very long time.. better later than never is all I can say.. Jim
  2. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Absolutely Jim, always better later than never. Good on you for coming into this self-awareness. What you describe - I think the term for it in psych-speak is "deficit drive" - ("Overcompensation for childhood lack. To go to extremes in order to make up for a perceived lack or abuse. 'Home-brewed therapy'")
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hugs to you Jim you did what you did to survive now you have better skills to help you do so h ugs
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    As I have dvds and assorted cds from floor to ceiling along one wall of my bedroom, I know exactly how things can get out of control :shy:
    Half the battle is recognising what's going on, the other half is cutting up the credit cards :laugh:
  5. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    Coming from someone who did the exact same thing with VHS and now (still) with DVDs that is reaching a point of 3,000 odd, I can definitely relate, and while some could see it as a bit of an eccentricity, like some kind of hoarder of digital entertainment, I can see that it does serve an equal amount of therapy in giving you quite a tasty selection of pieces that you can escape to suiting your mood at the time when you simply want to shut off the Real World outside. All that should be remembered is that you must be careful not to get lost in those fictional Worlds and come up for a breather a few hours of each day.
    But hey, as you already said, it is a nice thought that with so many, when you do pass on, whoever is tasked with sorting through your collecting and throwing a garage sale, you will be leaving them a nice tidy nest egg, so there is always a positive side to everything!
  6. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    Thanks for your responses here.. Nice to know I ain't the only

    Since started this thread still done a bit too much shopping..what did yesterday on amazon was to go thru new relase listings for next month..have planned a TV seasons 3 or4 for the month..

    This is a real improvement!!!! Lol
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