Me |mention of suicide and relationships - may trigger

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Nova, Jul 4, 2007.

  1. Nova

    Nova New Member

    I'm full of it.
    My whole life in the last year has been composed of the same things, fuck, I don't even go out anymore even though I would to just go out and have fun.
    basically, since march last year I have been in a long distance relationship with a girl. I would and still do spend every single available minute of my time i possibly could talking to her, but ever since september I've realised I don't love her, to be frank. Infact, to get a proper Idea I'll give you a little timeline of my life recently. (well past year)

    - I go to a party of a very old friend - I'm good friends with his sisters as well and have recently been talking a load to his sister. At the party I got VERY drunk and had an enjoyable time - uncluding spending half the night with his sister and the other either making a complete prat out of myself or making out with someone else (it was one of those partys)

    - later, I am asked out by The old friends sister (lets name her T) and I said no - despite slightly wanting to (by this time I am going out with my current gf called R)

    -During this time R's best friend has told me that she loves me as well - her finding out I love her best friend results in her attempting suice and being thouroughly depressed - throughout the whole thing she rely's on me to help her out of all her problems. R, me and R's friend are all depressed quite a lot and we always meet up so at least one of us is left out.

    - sometime later, R's best friend suddenly decides that she hates my guts - no idea why. by now T, who I am best friends with, has become good friends with R's best friend (lets call her M)

    -sometime later, T decides she doesn't like me any more either - due tomy best friend and my brother launching an attack on me behind my back by trying to convine R, T, and M I am 'playing' them. am really pissed off yet do nothign about it - R (my gf) is happy as she had always had this idea that I would go out with T.

    -T decides she does like me now, and the next time I see her I realise i love her - I tell my gf that i am unsure of our relationship and want to split - we do but she is so suicidal I take her back because I'd rather break my heart then her's.

    -Me and T's relationship just wears away, (by now as in now not then, our friendship has faded away yet I love her)

    - I lose my virginity to my gf - I wasn't pressured I just did it so she doesn't think I dont love her

    - up to now - basically this is now:
    .I think T hates me
    .My gf's mum found out me and my gf are having sex - I am banned from setting foot in her house/my gf coming to mine (I would normally spend mostof the holidays round her house). My gf thinks she'll see me for one day every three months and is near suicidal. I cannot leave her now.
    .My whole life is dull and my gf alows me no privacy - I wake up in the morning and spend half an hour taling to her before school. I ring her as soon as i get home and talk to her on the computer/phone untill i go to bed - exceptions for when I have to walk the dog/ anythign my dad makes me do. this is my whole life at the moment, she doesn't even let me go out on fridays and I am alowed no freedom In what I do.
    .I'm not depressed as such, just boredand run down at the amount of utter crap I go through.


    rant over.. ahh.. felt good.
    Thanks for reading - any comments would be great as I've never ever told anyone else this much before :)

    p.s am going to bed now - I'll read any comments in the morning.

    Nova