First off, wasn't sure where to post this so, if its the wrong place, please feel free to move it the most appropriate area. When I write I tend to write a lot, so please forgive for it all, it passes time and keeps my mind occupied from my “sad” thoughts even if it is about sad things. I know I have only joined today and have not let you know why I am the way I am. And I feel not ready for that yet. Though I have been reading a lot in the forums today/tonight and realise my issues are insignificant to everyone else's and really I have absolute no reason why I am like I am and should not be here, yet, realising all that, it still doesn't make me stop wanting to be dead. I know I have no reason to think that, no reason to want it, no reason to complain about it all. But I do anyway. So I thought I would share you with my “Me Music” My personal thoughts in songs, yet only I know how I have interpreted these songs to fit me. So it may give you a good idea of what is going through my mind or the wrong idea, who knows. This is my play list of “depression” songs. Some of the songs are about suicide, others I just interpret to fit my emotional state. My music is my life, if I did not have my music to listen to, I would be more sad than ever. Music helps me clear my mind, focuses it in a funny sort of way. Makes me sad, but a different sort of sad. If I don't listen to my “Me Music” when I am in this mood, my depression gets me in a mind set that I really really don't want to be in. You never know some of these songs could help you too. I call this play list “Me Music”, as the way I interpret the songs are very personal and show the way I feel and play this list every time I need to be soothed, so I have played these songs many hundreds and hundreds of times over and over, over the years. I even use to make up stories that included all the song titles I listened to. http://www.last.fm/user/-DreamReaver- (no new personal information about me here just what you already know and the music I listen too and how much I listen to music) Sick of Life (Godsmack) Hope Leaves (Opeth) Drowning (Stabbing Westward) Suicidal Dream (Silverchair) Count to 6 & Die (Marilyn Manson) Wasted (Stabbing Westward) Looking Down (scarymother) Why? (Stabbing Westward) Always (Saliva) Death Whispered a Lullaby (Opeth) Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood (Nina Simone) Coma Black (Marilyn Manson) In The End (Linkin Park) Somewhere I Belong (Linkin Park) Given Up (Linkin Park) Waiting For A Miracle (Leonard Cohen) Happy (Stabbing Westward) Cyanide (Metallica) Last Resort (Papa Roach) I Deserve It (Madonna) Suicide Note Pt 1 (Pantera) Suicide Note Pt 2 (Pantera) Who Are You? (Scarymother) Ain't Gonna Rain Anymore (Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds) Snuff (Slipknot) Crushing Me (Stabbing Westward) I Cannot Be Loved (My Dying Bride) Song To Say Goodbye (Placebo) To Bid You Farewell (Opeth) Come White (Marilyn Manson) English Summer Rain (Placebo) Too Late I'm Dead (Korn) Keep Away (Godsmack) Don't Fear the Reaper (HIM) Kiss (Korn) Poison Girl (HIM) I'm No Angel (Dido) Protect Me From What I Want (Placebo) Here It Comes Again (Korn) 'Til We Die (Slipknot) The Shape (Slipknot) Everything Ends (Slipknot) Suicide on my Mind (Angtoria) Danger -Keep Away- (Slipknot) Welcome (Slipknot) I Want to Disappear (Marilyn Manson) Running Blind (Godsmack) I am Loco (Ill Nino) My Friend of Misery (Metallica) It's Gonna Go Away (Korn) Mistakes (Godsmack) People=Shit (Slipknot) Suicide is Painless (Marilyn Manson) Now that is all said and done, time for bed and to do my private thinking of “you don't want to know” type of thinking, the saddest, most depressed thinking for me that I simply can't get rid of no matter what I do or try. sweet dreams to all ~David~ I have no reason to be like this, but I am....Why?