i hate not being able to afford therapist, since i was a little kid thats all i wanted and i always had it at the back of my head, even school didn't care when i explained some details so i couldn't and stil can't do anything about it. i started reading a lot about different illnesses or smth like abusive household - how to recognize beacuse i knew something was wrong. then i couldn't stop self diagnosing myself and became really anxious, then started reading more and more, then watching interviews and documentaries and know i can pretty much tell whats wrong with me. shocking news i found out that my mother might have something similar to me... i know she was diagnosed with depression when i was born but i can tell that it's not the only thing, i don't want to be a smartass and act like i studied psychology but i think some sort of self awareness is important too, i just can't do anything about