me ranting

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Marshmallow, Aug 26, 2007.

  1. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Sitting here, feeling sorry for myself. Hungover. Sick. Paranoid. I'm drinking far too much and i need to stop. It's getting to be a problem me thinks. Worrying my mum like hell. Called her the other night, told her i was still cutting and that i was suicidal. Even told her about my girlfriend and me for the first time.

    What he said has got me so fucking paranoid. Told me he thought he was in love with her. I'm in the wrong for not talking to him and when i do talk to him i'm still in the wrong. Am always in the wrong. I kept asking him if he wanted to be with her and if so I'd step aside assuming thats what she wants. I start to believe what she wants and then something like that knocks my confidence. Ask over and over again. I must of asked abut 20 times and the answer was still the same. Now i feel like shes in a mood with me for talking to him. Thats all we did. TALK. In fact all it was, was me asking questions and talking about Miriam.

    I feel like such a prat. I made her feel so damn bad last night and i need to be punished for that. Sitting here with a razor in my pocket trying to trigger myself into doing it. I made her feel shit right? Am i the reason she took all those pills? Wanted to end it? :cry:

    Can't believe i sat in a pub crying my eyes out over something that happened 2 weeks ago. Said ''i should be over it shouldn't i?'' That got took so the wrong way. Caused her to do something. Was just sitting there, drinking and then WHAM!!! Just hit me so hard like a slap round the face. I'm such a fucking idiot.

    Gonna shut up cos i'm chatting utter bull shit.
  2. sarahg

    sarahg Well-Known Member

    dear vikki
    u both have been thro a terrible lose lately huggles to u both,and things can be said or done but not intentionally..
    u r strong together and we all here to support that
    please always remember that
  3. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Sorry for this, dunno what i was talking about :huh: me woke up drunk!! and ended up posting this crap, i don't even remember writing more of this :blink: :eek:hmy: believe me i'm paying for the drinking right now :sad: :hiding:

    The thing about Miriam is that to me i should of accepted that shes not here anymore and i feel like a complete and utter twat for sitting in the middle of the pub crying my eyes out about it infront of some complete strangers and Sam and Grant.

    Heads still spinning a bit lol. So gonna shut up.

    Thanks for the reply Sarah. Love you and Lewis to bits :hug:
  4. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    it wasnt your fault i was feeling shit. and it definately wasnt your fault i took those pills baby. i took your comment the wrong way, i know it wasnt meant like that. it was my fault i felt the way i did, not yours x