40 M USA What can I say? I don't think I can experience positive feelings anymore. Looking back on my life I have two positive memories, they are pretty recent memories, diving into a lake and then on another day I was walking around after I finished a project that I had worked on for years. That's all I can report. There are plenty of events that I should have been happy about and should remember fondly now, but I don't. The suicidal thoughts are happening everyday now. Therapy has no effect and I am not interested in medication. If I was smarter and braver I would not even be here now. I don't know why I am here.