been up all night giving myself a hard time, I have done this for a long time and the me that wins is a failure. My life for what its worth I have been strong for everyone else because that is my role but secretly inside I continually shred myself to bits. The times it gets to much and I have acted on my thoughts are obviously a failure because I am still here thrashing myself. When I feel okish I am full of disapointment with myself because I have tried to end early, now I am old there is not much time left and with my experience I have found some peace that I have the means and not too many people will be bothered what I do and their life would be better off without me in it. I really feel I will be less of a disapointment if I am not here.