Me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, Nov 15, 2013.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Tonight I've the same ar idea of taking mroe evens than that if I should I have and having some alcohol ok thrown in. A now I'm at a apojnt where I wonder do I continues on this path or whattt to do. I knows I'm not worfth it. I doth know why oh postings but here's I am. Now what's.?? I agitates a me so much and obvisouky others too
     
  2. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Mo I hope you can realise that you are worth it, so please just try to go to bed and sleep for a while, maybe in the morning email me?
     
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I hope you can realize that you're worth so much more than you're able to see! :hug:
     
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    The dreaded alcohol always heightens any emotional state, hoping today seems brighter :hug:
     
  5. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thank you, I got about two hours sleep. This is part of the issue I am sure as it makes all else worse. Yes, dreaded alcohol, funny how I hated a parent being an alcoholic but at times it seems like I am no different. Going to try and get some zzzzz.

    I am sorry, take care of yourselves.
     
  6. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Mo, I am here. Please... if you want to talk, just let me know. Please stay safe. :hugtackles:
     
  7. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    20 months today. A clock stopped again last night at the time they passed.

    I think I was doing so much better. I'm not sure what has happened. A few things triggered this current situation I'm in. I think. Or its just me. Which I think is more like it really is. Stepped on a scale today, further enhancing the feelings of disgust. Its my comfort, food. Always has been.

    don't know what to do. Too many stressors at the moment, feels like too much. scared tonight with the wind blowing, anxiety climbing and becoming hyper alert. And the tears, again.

    looking into sui. So very alone. Told twice in as many days about something I love that maybe its time not to do it anymore. Thaks for the encouragement. Its all I was hanging onto. took a lot to put myself out there in that fashion and now the sad truth that its crap is there, told to me. like everything else I do or have done or try or whatever.

    too much. heartbroken.
     
  8. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    mo, first... no matter what, please keep doing what you love. I do not care who told you. I am suggesting that you continue everything you love. Please. I really want you to continue whatever it is.

    Second, well, you know what I would think about the clock stopping. You know me well enough to know what I would say to you. "They" are there. "They" are with you. And they want you to know that. I wish I had words to help. I do not know if you realize how much you mean to many here. I include myself high on that list. Very high in fact. Please keep going. I see so much light in you. so much of a good heart. Please just stay alive. I ask this partially for selfish reasons. :hug: :hugtackles:
     
  9. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I'm scared, the wind is scary tonight. triggering in so many ways. scared, alone and hating this.
     
  10. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    oh Mo, I did not see this until this morning. I can imagine where so many things WERE triggered last night with the wind. Alone and needing someone to feel safe with. I am sorry. sighs.
     
  11. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    don't know what to say. just having a really tough time. again. :(
     
  12. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hugs to you ok i am sorry you are feeling so low:hugsquish:
     
  13. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thanks TE.

    just alone, distressed and blah blah blah.
     
  14. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Not blah blah blah blah hun not at all i hear you and i hope you loneliness and distress lessens some soon h ugs
     
  15. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I know TE, but its not going to.
     
  16. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I know hun i do know but that is when we take one day at a time and get through it the best way we can. reach out here and to other supports if you have them ok hugs
     
  17. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I just saw this :( I am so sorry things are this hard for you. I wish there was a way for someone,anyone to ease your pain. But I know. I understand. I am sending hugs for you. None of these colon hugs : hug : but a real one. I know it does not take the pain away, Mo.
     
  18. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    Mo... :arms: I am here too, I care too, you mean so much to me & to many others... I know its hard, not easy and it sucks big time just please know how very much we all care,
    :grouphug: Do you have a diary? Either here or IRL? It helps sometimes to just write and write... you need to let it out Hun, say whatevers on your mind and heart... I'm here -we are all here to listen. Please be kind to yourself... ok & Girl Don't you make me come over there & sort you out ok
    much caring always
     
  19. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    It seems to be one thing after another at the moment and tonight I'm losing it. I can't fucking do this.
     
  20. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I know its not the same as someone being there in person. But I am here for you. I know it doesnt change the reality. I dont want you to give up. I know thats selfish. But I care a lot. Because of who you are. I know its hard Mo. Harder than I know. I am REALLY sorry :(
     
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