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Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by downmage, Dec 26, 2008.

  1. downmage

    downmage Well-Known Member

    My life is so fucked-up right now. I am not going back unto the streets again. Never. I don't need anybody's pity or help. It would be easier for me to end it all then I won't feel anymore pain. I am the biggest failure on two legs. I live in a ghetto neighborhood, i sleep on my grandmothers couch. I don't have a job anymore and nothing to look forward to.

    I'll add more about myself but I am getting tired...
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :hug: downmage. I'm here if you need to talk.
  3. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    It sounds like your not in the best position right now and your not happy with it. Things can still change for the better :hug:
  4. Nicki

    Nicki Active Member

    Tell me i would like to hear about you and your life....I'm hear any timeyou want to chat or pm me i and will get back to you.
  5. downmage

    downmage Well-Known Member

    There really isn't all that much to tell about me. I have failed at everything that I've ever done. You would think that I would be successful at something, but even the thing I am good at..I screwed up.

    I feel that my time is close..I just need enough nerve to do the thing I want to do..and that's leave this existance and not feel anymore pain.

    I am in my mid 40's..so I've been out in the world and for the most part of me failed at everything I've ever done. I see sucessful people my age and they have lives..a house, car, wife, kids etc. The only thing I have is a car.

    I have no profession. I was in sales for a while but failed at that. I have had other office jobs but failed at that too. There was no money for college, so I went to junior college but didn't graduate.

    I don't want to go on anymore. It's just a waste of energy. I don't care what anyone thinks of me. Even God.

    There is more reasons why I don't want to go on..I just don't want to dwell on them. I don't yet have a full-proof plan on how I want to go out..but that's something that I am working on.

    I wish that I could have a heart attack or just drop dead from some kind of natural cause..but that's not going to happen. I've gotta do it myself.
  6. downmage

    downmage Well-Known Member

    Maybe someone reading this can learn from my mistakes. Don't ever
    be homeless. It's hell on earth. Or, it was for me anyways. Living in your car or on the street is pretty fucked-up. Everyone looks at you like your gabage. I know in major cities that many people who are homeless have jobs, it's the lack of housing or the cost of finding a place that makes someone homeless.
    Or, they have no track record of having a stable rent history or maybe something on their credit report.

    I can't stay here where I am. It's a long story that no-one would believe. I just know that I am not going on the street. I just can't stay here.
  7. jadine

    jadine New Member

    I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I don't think you're a failure; you sound like a wonderful, intelligent person. It sounds like you've had ups and downs, not failures. I hope things get better for you.
  8. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Don't judge yourself and make comparisons to other people. Society teaches us that money, wealth, a family and having a house and car is milestones of success but does everyone want that? No they don't.
    Follow your own path and achieve your own goals, if that means having a house, a family, etc then so be it.
    It's not too late to change it around, you just gotta take it one step at a time.
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter