Discussion in 'After Effects' started by broken_slate, Apr 13, 2009.

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  1. broken_slate

    broken_slate Member

    ok, not sure what i'm going to write here. uhm, i first tried to commit suicide when i was 13. looking back now, it was not ever going to work, all that happened was i spent a night in general.

    for over the last four years i have spent pretty much all of them in psychiatric hospitals, (well 44 out of 53 months i've been in) and i have made too many to count suicide attempts in that time.

    not the last one, the one before though, i took an overdose of tablets i had been hoarding and not taking when i supposed to. i have very few memories of what happened next. at that time i was living in a "care home for the mentally ill" (which was just a horrible name for another unit). i know an ambulance took me to hospital, the next memory i have is i woke up briefly in resus hooked up to lots of machines, feeling like i had been kicked by a horse, my whole body ached. i had a doctor on both sides, stitching up each of my arms which i had apparently cut, although i don't remember doing this. then i must have slipped unconscious again, and i have no other memories for the next 5 days of being there. even after being discharged, the tablets were still messing my system up, i dont remember leaving the hospital, going back to the care home, or then being transferred back to my local acute unit.

    i was lucky with the one i just mentioned, in that i have few memories from it, because of what i took, whereas others still make me feel physically sick remembering what my body went through before the parvalex drips kicked in.

    as much as i KNEW that is it so unlikely to actually die from taking an overdose, (although it does happen sometimes, i know, but it is unlikely) i still kept doing it, just hoping that i would be one of the few.

    i haven't taken an overdose, or made any other attempts for 9 months now, and have been out of hospital for nearly 3 months and i'm hoping i won't have to go back. i don't really know why i'm writing this. i guess its just been good for me to get out. so yeah, thanks if you read xxx
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 13, 2009
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Heya, I'm sorry you had to go through all that. And I hope that you don't ever get to a place where you feel you must attempt suicide again. Keep coming here if you need to vent or to get some support. :hug:
  3. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    Sounds as if you have got your money's worth out of the NHS. I can relate to spending time in hospital, not as long as you though. I spent 11 consecutive months in a psychiatric hospital the latter end of 2006 to 2007. When I went in under section 4 (72 hours) and ended up for the duration. I hated it so much, mostly because of the weight gain. I was 145lbs when I went in and on discharge I was 230lbs. I was like a zombie, drugged up and fucked up. I've only had 3 serious attempts and the last one was in 2006.
    This forum is quite useful and some ok people here.
    Good luck with your recovery.
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Jenni,
    So glad to see you posting here on the forum.. That is a big step in itself.. You should be proud of your accomplishments.. I'm sure you will find plenty of support here.. It is kind of slow in coming at first.. People have to see you then they start replying and offering the support you need.. Give it some time and keep posting or just replying to other threads..
    Take some time and familiarize your self with the different forums..Be carefull of the chat room it can get heated sometimes..I don't know what triggers you that is the only reason I warned you about it..There is a members diary also that you can write your thoughts down in.. Members can read what you write but can't reply to it.. Take care And welcome!!
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