I have been feeling this for a while. When I was younger, I used to think, get depressed very midly about life until now. Since the new year, I have been drinking heavily, every few nights I drink heavy. I just feel nothing, no feelings, just going day by day, drinking to actually start thinking, thought that may seem ironic(my typing is bad because I have been drinking, but I mean I need to drink to actually reflect on myself and think about life because I don't when sober). Every day, I wish something would happen, I'd wish I'd get shot in the street instead of killing myself, so not to hurt my parents/family if I did it myself. The worst bit of all this is the last 2 weeks/months i feel absolutely nothing, no motivation, no strength, nothing. I really need help or some guardian angel or a word from God, because I have always relied on myself and I don't think I could change that if it weren't for something special to help me.