Me

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Decode, Aug 7, 2010.

  1. Decode

    Decode Well-Known Member

    I feel like explaining briefly what brought me here. Bit of a moan really but i'm hoping i will feel better to let it out. This seemed like an appropriate place to post it.

    My problems started when i was like twelve i developed paruresis (i couldn't pee if anyone was near to me or i thought they could hear me, sounds silly but i would just tense up like i was about to be jumped on or something).
    This made it hard for me to relax when i was out with my mates, we would be down the park or something, i was always the first one to go home usually because i could'nt hold on any longer. That was the cause of my social anxiety and as a result i was always on the outside of the group. Smoking cannabis trying to fit in, did not help and just made me more torn away.
    When all my mates turned eighteen they all started going up town, needless to say i didn't.

    I few years ago i got food poisening, a few weeks later i was still having stomach problems i went to the doctors and had all the test etc apparently i have ibs. For a year this was really bad and i went out even less and started to worry about being ill while i was out. This was the cause of my general anxiety and made my social anxiety worse and brought a whole new set of symtoms with it.

    Last year the rest of my mates moved away. I got alopecia. I work in a dead end job with no prospects. I'm depressed and keep cutting my leg. I'm not suicidal but i keep thinking about it.

    I'm damaged.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    yeh we are all damage to a certain point anyways but with therapy and meds it can be controlled the anxiety you can train yourself to be more comfortable aroound people i hope you have support for you so yu can get out more and meet new people okay take care