true they are reversable in some cases, but sometimes they're not. But it's how we live through them and move past them that counts. As far as learning and growing and not surrendering to their distasteful ways or perceptions and concepts on life.
Things are just getting bad, overall in every small thing. Down to me putting the same colour socks on or shaving or eating or what have you. The care is almost gone, but there are times like right now and when i talk to certain people that the care is there. And a raw want forms aswell. I just don't know what I want. I know I should try and hone that want into wanting to look after myself and the surrounding area around me, but that's so draining. But maybe it'll help a bit? Like a schedule or routine or something that I have to hit every day at a certain time. .. pushing aside the absolute distaste I have for routine,.. i suppose I should have some. I donno. Ive let everything fall to the floor simply because i feel at times like I cant hold anything up, even my own self. The only reason I am not dead is because I don't want to die, I've almost never have except for, some very bad and honest times. Which makes me wonder if im just lying to myself right now or blocking itout. Or if the stimulation from all my issues is creating a reality where it seems that leaving forever and ceasing to exist is my only honest salvation.
I donno.