so this may be long and windya nd inocoherent. and im sorry for that but shit hapepns. imnot sure where to start. i feel so messed up and really going nuts. i dont wkno what ot do next. how to g on or move on. i dont know how to stop; thinking about the lats moements and last breaths. i feel as thoug i failed her. there is no one irll that i have. buts thats justs me. im not approachable and no self confidense. ij waitijng for somethone to hurt me. so to let people close is scary. im not worth it. s its my own fault and owwn issues. so ist no ones afault, and i dont want to purposly hurt anyone. its better to stay way from me. i dont know hows to figure this out. whats to do next. all feels lie too much. but im beter on my own. theres no o one waiting o me or relying om me. i can be as selfish as I want and as I usuallly am. to think hoow i let her down. i jmiss her so. so my points is that i feel alonee and scared. dont know what to do. it is too much foor me.