"means" post deleted

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by slummy, Nov 14, 2010.

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  1. slummy

    slummy Member

    Forum, first sorry for posting asking about means. It was against policy and an admin deleted it.

    I was bummed though, because though my post started in that flavor, it had rec'd a nice reply or two, one of which I had in my cut buffer and will repost, well, because I appreciate the respondent's words:

    My relationship is new, and I am diagnosed PTSD from abusive "childhood" -- yeah, i know, join the club. When I hear "I don't know" -- i convert to "I'm leaving you". That's my faulty wiring, which, yes, I work on, but when depressed, it's hard to see clearly.

    Yes, I know that you are right. I had been doing great. My therapist went on maternity leave; at the same time I started tapering off my lexipro. (Well, because I felt great). Then about 2 weeks ago, a panic attack. Since, I've been drinking nights with lorazepam to deal with anxiety/panic. (yes, foolish, but frightened that panic would spike.) Now, I'm really wanting to get off the drinking (i know it causes depression), but I'm still frightened about the panic. I HAVE been on the lexipro again -- my full 10mg dose now for almost 2 weeks. And I'm looking for a therapist I like. I know I need time off the booze. And I know it may take another month for the lexipro to weigh in against the depression.

    I have 2 rats. I can't have dogs right now. I have considered all kinds of volunteer work -- but the depression is hard to fight. It's hard to get inertia on big things -- i'm having trouble even eating.

    Oh, I am seeking help. I was doing well. Just been knocked to my ass. Winters here are bad. Plus, I have 4 years of pain and bad memories here. Lost a lot of money. Divorce. Dog. Stepson. I had one panic attack 25 years ago, and now, 3 in 3 years. I do hope for a better life, but I just don't think I want to continue alone, without love.

    thank you catherine
  2. slummy

    slummy Member

    And I'd go a little more here, hopefully not having my post deleted. I *did* first ask advice about "mean" -- obviously, and nicely, SF is not about that. I did however find forums that offerred more "advice" -- bottom line, it's just not a pretty proposition. I was hoping for something slick and easy --pills and booze perhaps. But without the proper (extensive) preparations, I would have just ended up in the ICU. Guess it's better, at least for now, to hope for the best.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Many of us have been in the that situation...myself on more than half a dozen occassions...I know what it is like to be in what I perceived as total darkness...I know what it is like to have my utilites shut off, except for my electric which was to be shut off the next day...I wanted my computer to the bitter end...and I also know that the strangers here, on that night in August saved my life...yes, strangers who I can still name and to whom I owe part of my life...I had everything ready, note written, everything I needed, time and date approaching, and like so many ppl, I was checking to be assured that what I was to do would work...in the Google search came SF...I posted thinking it would be the last thing I did and a member with whom I am still friends, answered about an hour later...like many I watched for an answer for an hour, not knowing what I was looking for...when she answered, I questioned for a moment my faith in humanity...I went to bed and here I am 6 yrs later...so yes, through confluence here many ppl do not have to go to the ICU...glad you salvaged your thread, and I do hope you find the support here you are looking for...J
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