Medical condition and no way to get help - TOO much physical pain

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by inpainandnoonecares, Dec 16, 2014.

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  1. inpainandnoonecares

    inpainandnoonecares New Member

    Without boring you with all the medical details, i have a severely broken back. I get 2 low grade pills a day to "function on" and supplement the remaining pain with marijuana (when possible) since it is natural and has no interactions with my medicine. my L3 through S1 are crushed and breaking further up my back. It is as painful as it sounds, and usually worse. To top it off, I just had my 15th episode of meningitis, making this impossible situation even more impossible...bringing even more pain and now brain issues where I cannot remember anything and cannot even find my words to complete a conversation. And the cherry on top is I was just laid off a month ago (mass corporate restructuring layoffs) and I lost my insurance and can't afford the simple surgery that will give me my life back. I've tried everything I know, but since I have no children, the government does not care whether I suffer, live or die. I've worked my whole life and paid tens of thousands to people who NEVER tried and now I need help, and when I asked the last government shrill whether or not I was even seen as human, she bluntly said no. As angry as I was, she was right. I am not a human. I have now carved "help me I am human" on my stomach (scratched really - I have dull knives apparently) My mother, who I now have living with me in MY house, who I have to take care of physically, emotionally and financially, who has ruined my chances of maybe finding someone out there who may care, someone I could talk to right now instead of talking to people here who must care even less because they don't even know me. That mother who has drained me dry emotionally and financially is fast asleep down the hall, knowing I am in this place right now, and could give a shit. That is now abundantly obvious even though I have been in denial since she tells me she loves me and gives me hugs when I'm "happy", but kicks me while I'm down (which I always am lately and am never truly happy). Bottom line, I am a caged non-human animal who just wants the physical pain and torture to end. I just made <mod edit methods> and read that my chances of survival and making things worse is truly not in my favor.

    I need a lousy $10k to fix this and have a chance at a future. I want to go back to work and try to live whats left of my life and be a productive citizen again. I simply want to be human. I have helped so many people in my life, tried to be kind and giving, and the one time I need a little help, my hand is slapped back and I am told I am a sub-human not worth saving, and sure as hell not worth $10k.

    I've been a good person. I've always worked hard. I hurt and I can't make it stop. My spine is crushing my spinal nerves so it is a pain you simply cannot imagine. I just want it to stop. How can suicide be my only way out? I am human dammit but if no one else thinks so, it just doesn;t matter what I think. I wish I had a plan B, but I;ve been through plans a-f, and now face a dead end. I don't want to die, but I simply cannot bear this anymore. And of course I'm so so so sad and now I'm lonely too.

    Not sure how much longer I'll be here, BUT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE if there is ever someone else like me on here, won't you please help her? I don;t want to die in vain. Plwase help someome in my name. Please
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 16, 2014
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOu get referred to a pain specialist someone that can help decrease the pain you are in by teaching you coping mechanisms to deal with pain
    If your spine is that severe how can a doctor refuse you care how can your health system refuse you care you need
    Phone your government official and talk to them and let them know what is happening that you cannot get health care you need
    Your community reach out to them as well The pain specialist can and will help you so get that referral
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Having dealt with chronic pain issues for some years I understand your frustration. There are solutions for many of the things you have mentioned and ways to get the things you need if it is approached in the right way. I know that is extremely difficult when trying to juggle pain and depression and the host of other issues but if you want some help trying to work through these obstacles I and many others here would be happy to try to give some practical advice on how to do it. We are all here to support you and anybody else that has problems - that is the purpose of this forum.
  4. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    It's insane how the medical system works.

    My question is due to my reading comprehension... You said you need 10k to fix your back?
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