I guess this isn't going to be read. I don't even know if I need it to be read. I just need to type. I need to self destruct. I need to so badly. Everything is becoming overwhelming, like it always does. I can't cope with day to day life. Only a few minutes ago I was completely fine. I felt happy, relaxed and motivated to do my work and just be normal. Now suddenly I would give anything to swallow several bottles of pills and end it all. Even when I'm at my happiest I would choose death over life. This is all just bullshit. Life is bullshit. i don't know why people enjoy it. Probably because they don't hate themselves. I'm just blabbing now. I need to talk to someone but I have no one to talk to. I'm completely alone all of the time with my thoughts. I NEED TO DIE.