Medication without Doctor

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mopetzpanda, Apr 24, 2010.

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  1. mopetzpanda

    mopetzpanda Member

    Hello all -

    First time posting here....I have been depressed and severely depressed since about 12 years old. I am now in my mid 30's. I have tried medication and counseling. the medication helped but not the counseling. the counseling seemed to even make the depression worse. I really know that need medication, but am too embarrassed to go to my doctor. I know he will make me go to counseling in order to give me an rx for meds. Also, because of medical reasons and my severe depression, I have gained alot of weight and too embarrased to go to my doc as I know they will want to weigh me. I cant believe I am saying that, so please dont make fun. My co-workers at work have noticed my weight gain and are starting to mention it and make comments, and rightly so. I am SO disgusted with my body and inability to find the strength to get help. I think of dying every day, what a blessing it would be to not die, but just dissipate like I was never here. I serve no purpose and have no friends. I used to have great friends, but because of my illness, I pushed them all away and they stopped talking to me....which I do not blame them for. I am sick of the everyday struggle, the horror in my mind and physical being that I wake up to everyday. Thinking, will my clothes fit me today, what can I do to make them so that I can go to work. It is a COMPLETE miracle I am able to hold down a job. So anyways, I am too chicken to ever do the deed, so I am hoping medication can help. PLEASE, anyone living in california, is there a place that I can call over the phone and tell my symptoms to and that will prescribe me some medication? Its like a vicious cycle, I am too sick and depressed to go get the help I need, so I never get the help. I have made so many appointments with my doctor only to cancel them. I think that if I can get my head on straight and thinking correctly I can go talk to someone and get even more help.

    thnx MP:sad:
  2. aviewfromchaos

    aviewfromchaos Well-Known Member

    i TOTALLY understand about the doc making your depression worse. when i go, he makes me like because i haven't changed that im a worthless piece of shit. you're not alone.
  3. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    Counseling isn't necessary to receive medication. If you have insurance, call the insurance company and get numbers of psychiatrists who accept your plan.

    Now if a referral is required, it may be possible to simply call your physician and ask for one over the phone.

    If all else fails, think about this: is it better to live in misery, or have a few moments of discomfort being weighed? They can't force you on the scale anyway; refuse.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 24, 2010
  4. summerschild

    summerschild Well-Known Member

    I've been heavy all my life so I understand the snickering, the laughing that weight causes. But do not let that stop you from getting help. I too was reluctant to go to the doctor because of the weigh in. But I found a doctor who didn't judge me based on my weight. You can find a doctor like that too. Just keep looking. It may take a few attempts but keep looking. And in the meantime please keep talking. If you want to talk privately you can PM me or email me. I want to help you. I do care.
  5. mopetzpanda

    mopetzpanda Member

    thanks all for the replies. Datura, i wouldn't have to get a referral for a psychiatrist so that is good, i have a ppo....but I am assuming that I would have to go in to the psychiatrists and talk to them before they prescribe meds. How do psychiatrists work? I guess it is the chicken sh*t way of getting help, meds without counseling. But at least I want help and would give anything in the world to be able to have medication that might help me since I know they have helped me in the past. I think I am bipolar too, as some days I am so giddy and the next day I have suicidal thoughts.

    I dont think that its the uncomfortableness of someone knowing how much I weigh, its ME knowing it. That has been a huge trigger for me in the past. I am just scared, afraid I will start crying in front of my doctor...i also have huge issues with social situations and anxieties about them. Dont u love all my excuses? You r right about feeling embarrassed for a short bit in order to get better. I am going to try the psychiatrists route tho, once I find out how they work, thanks again

  6. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    No, it isn't a "chicken way of getting help." Help comes in all forms, and you're right - you WANT help, which is the first step.

    Basically with psychiatrists you tell them how you're feeling. Since you say there's a sensation of anxiety that comes up with social situations, consider writing down things you want to tell the doctor. This will not only help with anxiety, it will ensure that you don't forget to mention important details.

    Tell the doctor of your experience with medications in the past (he/she will ask anyway), and that you want to get on them again due to the positive results you've had.

    The doctor will probably encourage you to seek out a therapist. You might want to say you're thinking about it, and may start therapy in the future. That may or may not be true, but it's a way to placate him/her.
  7. summerschild

    summerschild Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you are going to get help. That's the way to go. Don't worry about the excuses or crying in front of the doctor. Just do what you need to do to get better. And in the meantime please keep talking. If you want to talk privately you can PM or email me anytime. There is a link in my profile to my email. Be gentle with yourself. You deserve it.
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