I have schizzoaffective disorder and severe depression because of it, my childhood, and how everything in my life is. I've been on effexor for most of my life. I was recently given abilify and lithium to "aggressively treat" my worsening symptoms. I can tell that I feel different, but only in a numbing sense, not in any real positive manner. I still think the same things about ending my life and the lives of others and I still truly don't want to keep living. October is a very bad month for me and I don't see myself surviving it this year. It marks several terrible anniversaries of my life. If these meds don't work and therapy doesn't work and I have no real close friends or family, isn't it safe to say that I fought the good fight and can just give up? I mean what rational argument could anyone make against it? And I don't want to hear some crap about hope or time making things better because for some people it doesn't.