Medicine doesn't work

[MyCatWillMissMe]

I have schizzoaffective disorder and severe depression because of it, my childhood, and how everything in my life is.

I've been on effexor for most of my life. I was recently given abilify and lithium to "aggressively treat" my worsening symptoms. I can tell that I feel different, but only in a numbing sense, not in any real positive manner. I still think the same things about ending my life and the lives of others and I still truly don't want to keep living. October is a very bad month for me and I don't see myself surviving it this year. It marks several terrible anniversaries of my life.

If these meds don't work and therapy doesn't work and I have no real close friends or family, isn't it safe to say that I fought the good fight and can just give up? I mean what rational argument could anyone make against it? And I don't want to hear some crap about hope or time making things better because for some people it doesn't.

 

[Petal]

Ok. I won't say anything about hope etc.. but what about therapy??, medication on its own isn't the best thing to do, in combination with therapy you could see an improvement. I wish you all the best.

 

[MyCatWillMissMe]

I go to therapy once a month. I go there looking for little tips to improve quality of life and sometimes I get some. It's not something that's life-changing or going to save my soul or some shit. It's 98% lame and 2% useful. The evil genius in me believes that medicine only helps stupid people because it's basically designed to numb you and trick you into feeling differently, like some kind of hypnosis. I think I have an intellectual cynic buried underneath all my hatred for the world and am just too smart and too much of a realist for meds to fool me. Meds don't change your past or your current situation, they just help certain (dumb) people cope with it.

 

[SinisterKid]

Right, no words that relate to anything remotely connected to hope or time. Got it.

I cant say I am in the same boat, but something similar I suppose. The medication isn't doing what it says on the tin [UK joke] additional medication hasn't helped either. They dont help everyone. Not much use to us then is it. But they help the vast majority. Me and you, we are the minority, so who gives a toss? Well, I have not tried all the available meds, so I haven't given up on them completely. Maybe I will find some that work, maybe I wont. If I am dead, I wont for sure.

But I do have therapy. I have a psych to talk to once every blue moon, a key worker who is well intentioned; a nonexistent CPN and one group I attend which will cease before very long. Hmm. Wont be talking to any of them either if I am dead. Did I mention I already tried that, twice?

So no, I cant see any hope here either really, but I am fucked if I will give up the fight just yet and allow the depression I am in the satisfaction of knowing it won? So if ya like, you can be my friend and help me beat this thing before you do anything, because as you can see, I need all the help I can get. What say you?