dislacimer for the first time i went on meds. (zoloft)....so I have this issue of trying to get back with my Exs. I am horrible for it but I just seem drawn to one in particular. we are actually good friends so its not like a creepy stalker thing. and I told her I plan to get out after deployment and about my leave coming up and she has been so happy to ask me to Skype and text and call me recently which prob. didnt help my infatuation. so I was skyping with her planning our trip to chicago and it gets brought up that she is still with her bf. immediately my heart was crushed (wouldnt be the first time with her, she doesnt know btw), i felt my heart sinking. after about 10 minutes feelings ranging from suicide to anger to disappointment I felt nothing. I was back to being spacey. I didnt hurt. It was all replaced by a bitter nausea. that was taken care of with tea. (chamomile if you must know) I am not sure where I am going with this. I am not sure I want this. but at the same time if I wasn't on the meds I would be going manic. I would have lost it. I am not sure why I am writing this but I am just not sure what to think. I just don't feel it. it sounds weird but i almost miss my depressed thoughts. now my mind is filled with nothing. its clouded with non thought if you can imagine such a thing.