Meeting from hell

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ThePhantomLady, May 11, 2016.

  1. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    So... I had a meeting with a new job consultant, or what ever she was, I thought caseworker... but yeah.

    And yeah, I need to vent before I explode.

    I have been moved in the unemployment system (which I gather is probably a bit different here)... there's two groups. Those who can work no problem, and those who can't within the next months... I have been moved from the first to the second... (I haven't been capable of work for longer, but I wasn't aware of my rights and the consequences (still am not, really))

    I had an initial meeting with a consultant within that group of unemployment yesterday... I was very nervous about that meeting, my anxiety was so bad... and most of all I was worried about myself messing up. "What if I stutter, what if I don't say what I need to, what if I cry??"... I didn't think to stress about the consultant being a mess... making me very unsure of my immediate future in the system.

    I showed up early, which gave me extra time to worry... I was met with around 10 people asking me why I was there, who I was waiting for etc... and was eventually told that the consultant was at least 10 minutes late.

    Well, she came. Shaking almost from stress and was very confusing to listen to. She had lost her bag, and bless, that is horrible! She just wouldn't shut up about it...
    Then we went through a questionnaire about my problems, and I had to tell her my life story...

    One major problem... she was foreign. (which is not the problem, at all) but the fact that she barely spoke the language was. I had to explain things several times, and it made me tell a lot less than I meant to, and she even tried to lighten the mood by making jokes about me having an abusive mother... which made me shut up... I didn't fully understand her either... though I really tried...

    I then had to help her with the computer... how to take a screen shot, and print a list, etc...

    Also, she seemed to not really believe the things I told her, she asked about previous employment... and I know a lot of her clients have a different academic story than mine, but I felt like she saw me as a fraud... when I told her I had worked at the hospital, and that I had been working as a PA for the Irish performers during Eurovision 2 years ago.

    So yeah... I have no idea where my case stands, what is going to happen... and I don't trust my case in her hands.

    I have a new meeting on Friday, with a group of specialists in different sides of stuff, one of them will be a psychologist that much I know...

    The idea of putting me in this group was that I could be spared for the next 6 months of intense solo therapy and DBT group... I can't handle a job as things are.

    And it's cute that they ask me when I will be cured... both of my mental troubles and my chronic condition.
  2. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    Wow I am so sorry the meeting was such a mess!! Especially since you anxiety is so intense.

    Is there any way maybe your therapist can advocate for you if you tell her how the meeting went?? Also maybe take letter from therapist and DBT leaders to prove what you are doing, they don't have to explain anything in detail just a basic out line of the times you are with them and how much time it takes??

    I am sorry she was cracking jokes about your mother, that is nothing to be joked about at all under any circumstance!!!

    I hope that you are able to find a way for this to work for you, I don't know much of how things work where you live but I do hope that they will look after you and not pressure you.

    Maybe your therapist could attend that meeting with all those people, she dosnt have to talk maybe she could be there for moral support and maybe a debrief after. I am not sure what therapist limits are for you either.

    I really hope you find the eight solution
    Take care
    ThePhantomLady likes this.
  3. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    That really sounded like a day no one wants to endure. I am sorry you ended up with someone like that. Have you filed a complaint with her superiors? They could assign you to a different person
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am waiting to see what happens at the meeting on Friday. I've filed a complaint before (and I could be worried they think the problem is mine)... last time a job consultant told me to lose weight by smoking and skipping meals...
  5. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    So, I went to the second meeting today... despite having fever and a very sore throat... and not having slept too much.

    First of all, the bus ride nearly ended me. I have a major trigger with busses (the young man who raped me when I was 13 would find me on busses for a year, and sit next to me, pressing me against the window... talking as if nothing ever happened...)...
    Guess what happened?
    A woman who seemed to have a mental illness sat herself next to me... (she asked first...) on top of her pressing me into the window, she was smoking, wanting to talk... and I was genuinely scared how she'd react if I didn't answer the way she expected...
    I was shaking so hard and about to throw up (doesn't help that cigarette smoke closes my lungs, even when I'm not sick)...

    When I finally made it there, they were late on the meeting... Some lady, very, very, very nice came out and asked if I was me, telling me they were late, and that I should be prepared that there were a lot of people in the room, but it wasn't that scary and formal...
    Five minutes later a man came out, gave me the same speech...

    I'm glad they did. 12 people were in there waiting for me when it was finally my turn... and I was starting to have a panic attack... and had to explain why I can't work... and everyone had a different idea of what I could do, and another question what I did with my life right now.
    I left with some brochures... and the caseworker (the confused woman from last time, who I guess is a really nice lady, but I can't stand her for her un-professionalism) came out and hugged me. I went rigid... I can't stand hugs. There's people who have known me for years and I've never hugged. By then I just wanted to run away.

    And I still don't know where I stand and what will be the course of action. The fact of the matter is that I know I need peace until DBT is done at least... and after that my therapist has told me we are going to work on my traumas, such as the rape... which I am fairly certain will bring me low as well...

    The weird thing is... I haven't reacted yet... I am sort of pretending like it didn't happen, and was some feverish dream... so I've not processed it.
    I mentioned it briefly to my boyfriend who was on the phone during the bus ride, and as soon as I left the meeting again...

    I worry I have a big crash pending.
  6. I am so sorry. That sounds awful. I know what you mean about hugs I don't like them either (though I do hug some chosen people). I don't understand why the caseworker would hug you that is so not professional at all. Next time maybe try (I realize that is much easier said then done) holding out your hands and stepping back from her and saying you don't like hugs. It might be easier to do that now that you are prepared that she is going to do that.

    I really hope you don't crash but can process it in a healthier manner. Maybe your mind won't process it until your body is recovered from the illness.