meh, christmas

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by *dilligaf*, Dec 23, 2007.

  1. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    its hitting me really badly. started yesterday and is getting worse. fuck knows what ill be like by tuesday. its her christmas as well. our first christmas. i am trying so hard to hide all my shit from her. trying to be festive, trying to be happy. its not fair to ruin it for her as well. but i know i am failing. i just know it. i feel like shit all the time. all i want to do is cry, sleep or cut. if vik stays with me through chrismas the way i am behaving it will be a miracle.

    i can;t help it though, i really cant, god i wish i could but i cant. i dont want much. i just want her backl. doenst seem like too much to ask, i know it will never happen. i dont even want to celebrate christmas this year. its destroying me. christmas is a time for family and for loved ones. how are youi meant to celebrate it when one of the most important people in yur life isnt here?

    how is it possible to get through this?

    if i didnt love vikki so much it would be easier because i coould just not make the effort. could sleep through it or spmething. but because i love her and care about how she feels so much all i am worried about is not ruining iot for her.

    baby, if you are reading this i am so sorry for the way i am behaving and if i am ruining things for you. please please bear with me? i love you darling xx
  2. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    :hug: i'm here for you sam if u need to tlk hun
  3. GypsyGirl

    GypsyGirl Well-Known Member

    Oh, sam... :hug: I wish I could be there to help you. Please, keep on being the strong person you are. You are going to make it through this. BIG :hug:

    I am going to check in here from time to time Chistmas eve and Christmas day just in case you need someone to talk to, okay?
  4. Slinkybinky

    Slinkybinky Active Member

    Kep holding on Sam-you know Nan would want you to be happy and it gets a little bit easier each year I promise. You and Vikki have each other and that must count for something.

    Stay safe and hang on in there.

    Love ya.

  5. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Hun, you don't have to pretend for me. Firstly i know this is gonna be hard for you and i'm willing to try do mybest to support you through it. Like Slinky said what do you think your nan would of wanted?? she would of wanted you to be happy. Secondly your NOT gonna ruin my christmas, you being their makes it a hundred times better and to be honest i don't seem like christmas so ya ain't got nothing to ruin :tongue:

    Love ya big time x
  6. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Thanks everyone

    Love ya lots Vik :hug: