Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by shellz, Jan 25, 2007.

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  1. shellz

    shellz Guest

    I dont know what Im living for anymore. What? To get abused mentally and physically? No, no more of that. No more of any of this. Im not worth it. This life is not worth it. I have no future. Especially with my bad memory. I cant see the reasons of living.

    My parents can get their wishes now. They didnt want me in the first place, so I will leave. Leave this world all together. Its not like anybody wouldnt notice anyways
  2. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member old are you? Can you get out? If you are really being abused (mentally or physically)? If so, then you are worth more than your abusers. Don't let them win this fight.
  3. Aufo8mycow

    Aufo8mycow Member

    Hi Shellz :)

    I was so sorry to learn your not feeling ok at the moment. You do sound so very down. I unfortunately, as much as I would like to offer some quick fix solutions to get you back on the straight and narrow, I can't, and no words tend to help when you feel so low. I remember it was always like 'blah blah blah' in my ears when everyone used to say, pull your self together man, but you can't, can you.

    What is clear though is, you need to talk about this, you mention physical and emotional abuse, your bad memories, feelings of being unwanted, loneliness and ultimately a feeling of being unloved. All these are the rawest of emotions and to some degree, I am sure most people on here have felt that very same way too at sometime in their lives.

    You say you have no future? You are very wrong. Everyone has a future, its very design is what you make of it. I left school with no qualifications but I managed to turn my life around and am now doing a PhD. in Geography. No one ever said life was easy but you can do it, you can be anything you want to be honey. Its only as limited, as your imagination.

    My best friend Deano killed himself and in his last letter (email) he wrote the very same thing... no one will miss me....I think of him every single day, I miss him terribly and the wound is still deep and raw 4 years on and I am still bloody angry for him doing it.... I guarantee you, you would be missed and people would suffer in your place.

    As a human, you have the capacity to be anything you want to be, its a gift that was given to us by genetic design, to change, influence others through our very actions but because of this design we also have the ability to destroy ourselves and suffer, its a curse we have from the moment we have the capability of thought and ultimately guilt. Your mind is the most advanced computer ever made, you are one of the most complex organism in the universe, you are truly are special... and I can see from just a few lines on a screen how intelligent you are. If you could only see that for yourself.

    My final point is you need some help, that might be just someone to talk to, it might be a doctor but you must talk it through with someone. Although I cannot offer advice, I am only ever a PM away. Even if its just for a chat with what you been up to today. You don't need to go through this on your own.

    Thinking of you.

    Sean xoxoxoxoxo
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 25, 2007
  4. Tearsalone

    Tearsalone Well-Known Member

    SHELLZ SHELLZ I'm on my way. *runs to the ocean*

    Besides, its not true at all, your a great person and a great friend, and I'll definetly feel really really depressed if you hurt yourself.

    Your parents, are idiots, if they can't see how great you are, they're really looking the wrong way, don't let them beat you.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 25, 2007
  5. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Why do we go on indeed? But hopefully you will be able to get out of this situation soon. You always have us too ^^.

    Now I am not one who should be saying this but, don't let them win. The people who make you feel this way do not let them win. They are suffering a great deal you know, just having you around. You should remain around to mock them.

    But I am a bit sadistic, and do not know the sitiuation. But take heart there are others out there with your feelings and even in a similar situation. I have no room to talk I have long since passed that situation in my life. Just hold on as best you can, just because someone else wants you to disappear does not mean you should.

    Oh and I almost forgot. I have a weird memory. I will learn something then seemingly forget it. Then I have to half-way reteach it to myself in order to apply the knowledge. You should see me when I do my homework I have the internet going and reference books glore. But I try to not let that get me down too much. Just wanted to show you are not alone in that feild either.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 25, 2007
  6. shellz

    shellz Guest

    I feel horrible right now. Im home alone right now and feel as if I might do something. But as I see it it wont be a bad thing if I did.

    Yes, mentally and physically abused. Everyday. Im not good enough for them, Im not smart enough, strong enough, fast enough, whatever it is, its not good enough.

    Now I have to go back to school feeling as miserable as I do. I cant do that. My therapist doesnt understand how bad I am feeling. She thinks Im getting better because of the DBT cards I have to fill out.

    Having to go back to school means facing those same people who made my friend feel like crap. The one I watched kill himself. How can I go back to that? I cant..No way..

    I want to end it. I want this pain and suffering to stop..
  7. shellz

    shellz Guest

    Oh My god..just let me end this! Please! I dont want to hurt anymore! I dont want to feel this from you! Just let me go! I need to go! I want to go! I cant do this!
  8. shellz

    shellz Guest

    thanks for caring guys..really, thank you..i will remember this..
  9. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @shellz: Look hun there comes a time in your life when you have to stop fishing for your parents approval. Personally I think that if you have not gained it by now you will never gain it... as painful as it sounds. I could never gain my moms approval or my dads until I told them "FUCK OFF I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU WANT". And my mom magically approves of me. My dad gave up his approval the day I told him I was still a virgin, back when I was 19 and I still am at 21.

    As for school I went through that in Elementary school. Everyday I feared going back because of what I knew awaited me. So in high school I was very quiet I did not stand out at all, not on purpose anyway. I really do not know how to handle that problem. To be honest it is hard to tell what to do. Just survive, and start over once School is done ok.

    I know you can survive. I have faith in your hidden strength.
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