meh

[slacks315]

Hello. This is my first time coming to a site like this. Just decided to try it.

My name is slacks. I have had 3 failed attempts at suicide in the past 3 years. Today was actually not a bad day but then about an hour or two ago I just started thinking about my life and became depressed yet again. So to stop another attempt I thought I would post here. Might also stop me from going across the hall and slapping the kids making a ruckus.

 

[middleofnowhere]

I don't know how many attempts I made, but it's been 18 months since the last one. Depression just keeps going at varying levels, with thoughts of death usually just under the surface. That's better than in the face like it was for me for a long time. You've noticed that the urge comes and goes. The challenge it to keep going through the hard times. A therapist and a counsellor, along with meds, have helped me immensely. Have you talked with anyone about your feelings? Life doesn't come with guarantees, but we can do what we can to survive.

 

[Stranger1]

Hello Slacks,
:shake::welcome:I know what you mean when my daughter and grandaughter are ruff housing it gets under my skin. I will close my door to my room because I am afraid I might fly off the handle. They are just playing and don't realize how they are affecting me. I have to keep telling myself to let it go. Hope to see you around the forum.Take Care!!~Joseph~

 

[slacks315]

Hello stranger, MoN. No I have not talked with anyone personally. I just go to a site where I know they will tell me suicide is my only hope and call me a dipshit and the likes and give a little rant. My closest friends know about my attempts but we don't bring it up.

 

[noplacetogo]

glad you decided to try this site instead of attempting again. What was it about your life you were thinking about that made you depressed again?

 

[slacks315]

Hello, noplace. Nothing in particular just were I've been what I'm doing, and where I'm going. Even just the realization that I have nothing I want to do, is a little on the depressing side.

 

[noplacetogo]

Nothing to do can indeed be depressing. It sounds like you're in a deep rut, and probably been in one for a while. You said you've attempted 3 times before, what was it that stopped you from finishing it?

 

[slacks315]

curiosity to see if college would help me get my life together and maybe moving to a new town would let me start over.

 

[noplacetogo]

Is there a way to find that curiosity in the life you have now?

 

[slacks315]

the college one I guess is still possible as I am still attending. The new town one not so much. This town doesn't have as much to do as I thought. I may join a 24/7 gym just so I have somewhere to go after all the other places close.

 

[noplacetogo]

Most towns are usually dead at night. Sounds like you're not much of a sleeper, so it's probably a good idea to keep busy. If it's what keeps you from feeling depressed than do what you can. Even if it means working out for hours on end... maybe. (people like muscles right?) It's also good that you're still in college. You sound like a smart person and it would be sad to waste that.

 

[slacks315]

I hate muscles and being bulky in general. I tend to throw myself into my work, but I am only getting 15 hours a week right now and still getting used to the setting. I'm thinking about getting a cat or dog but I don't know if I can afford it at this point.

 

[noplacetogo]

A pet sounds like a good idea. They are expensive though. Have you thought about getting a second job or maybe asking for more hours?

 

[slacks315]

I'm hoping to get more hours once I'm used to the place. A second job would get me some mre money, but I would have no time for a pet or lesiure activity. I have been thinking about maybe trying out one of those internet survey jobs. They don't take a lot of time out of the day and even an extra 20 bucks a week would probably cover a pet.

 

[noplacetogo]

I've always been curious about those internet survey jobs. I'm suspicious, but you should try it and let me know how it goes:P
A pet is a good way to start. They make great companions, but make sure you're not sacraficing your needs to get one.

 

[palmtrees]

Pets are awesome, so cute. Don't take on more than you can handle, but pets are very lovable and lovely. What I say to everyone is, think of the goals you've had in the past that you didn't think you could accomplish. You CAN accomplish them. Most people will just give up and never turn out who they wanted to be. But anyone can do it, just stick with your goals and you will be one bad motherfucker in the end. I never thought I could do cross country and then a couple years later I turned out an all-star cause I was so into it. Just believe in yourself, that may be a little cliche but it works. Get a knack for something, and build on that. You will be surprised how much improvement that will get you...you can be anyone you want. Trust me...you are not to be fucked with. I love you man.