i was talking to a friend last night and some shit came up that i try not to think about. my best friend. it's one thing to mention her in passing, but i fucked up and went into some details. shit i haven't really thought about in a long time. fuck the last itme i cried was when she died... right now i just want to go and be with her. fuck evcerybody and everything here. i really want to get drunk and do a big shot of heroin. that way i won't have to feel this fucking pain... i fucking hate emotions. and they are fucking comingup. FUCK YOU get the fuck out of my fucking head... i was never even comfortably numb when i was using. the only thing that ever took the pain away was... fuck it who fucking cares if i justt disapear... nobody... i know i won't miss myself. i fucking miss melodie. i really want to be with her right now.