Memento Mori

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Scully, May 10, 2010.

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  1. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    I haven't been here in a while, and I'm sorry. It's just so hard to write, to move, to hope.

    I'm in a very bad while of my life. Might be a separation in sight with my partner, I drink at day time, sometimes, I smoke again. Still jobless, still under treatment and in therapy (depression + borderline, a introvert one what's more). I can't see the white light at the end of the tunnel. I'm dead inside. It's not like if I didn't fight. I do, each day is hard to get out of bed. Only when I sleep I can escape the nightmare I daily live. I'm lonely too. I know I can write this here, because many of you know what it means, really means.

    I'll go on vacation, for two weeks, at my Melissa's. I call her so because she's like my sister. She's a close cousin actually. I hope it'll be a trigger. Or I'll let myself slip.

    Thanks for reading.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Iunderstand as i too am in that place where one just survives each day at a time hell each hour at a time. i am sorry you are so low but glad you are still recieiving therapy. I hope you and staying with your friend will lessen the lonliness you feel inside and give you that hope we all looking for .. nice to see you reaching out here again scully try i know it is hard but talk with your doctors and therapist and let them know where your mind set is at.
  3. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    I have. I have no friends here, there're all beside, far. I so wanna out this all. You know better than anyone do you... I dunno what to do more.
  4. unwinged

    unwinged Well-Known Member

    hi Scully. i feel for you and oh so understand. how strange normal life seems when you feel dead inside.. hugs
  5. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    Hi, Scully. I understand a little bit of what you are going through, because I have been in a similar place, but I have not lost a child as it seems you may have (I have not been on the forums and do not know your whole story.) It may help to challenge yourself to do more with your life, you may have things to be proud of and you may feel better eventually. Take baby steps.
  6. shazwackers

    shazwackers Well-Known Member

    Hi Scully, I am so sorry you are going through all this pain at the moment. I am so glad that you are able to go away to your friends, lets hope this is the break you need to get you back on track..........I'm a newbie here so please feel free to pm if you can....
  7. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    Thx guys, I feel a little better this evening. Let's hope it'll last. Hugs to you.
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