I haven't been here in a while, and I'm sorry. It's just so hard to write, to move, to hope. I'm in a very bad while of my life. Might be a separation in sight with my partner, I drink at day time, sometimes, I smoke again. Still jobless, still under treatment and in therapy (depression + borderline, a introvert one what's more). I can't see the white light at the end of the tunnel. I'm dead inside. It's not like if I didn't fight. I do, each day is hard to get out of bed. Only when I sleep I can escape the nightmare I daily live. I'm lonely too. I know I can write this here, because many of you know what it means, really means. I'll go on vacation, for two weeks, at my Melissa's. I call her so because she's like my sister. She's a close cousin actually. I hope it'll be a trigger. Or I'll let myself slip. Thanks for reading.