memories are hard..slight vent

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by stl_angel, Jan 20, 2008.

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  1. stl_angel

    stl_angel New Member

    I attempted suicide about two weeks ago now and am having a bit of a hard time. I have been "kicked out" of the treatment center I was in because I could not afford to pay for the level of care that they wanted me to be in. I returned to college and was asked to leave as that would be in my better interest. Basically I scared a lot of people and they are all freaking out. The down side to all of this is that I haven't had a chance to talk about this with anyone really and that has left me in a bit of a tizzy. I keep having flashbacks to different parts of the whole ordeal. When I think about taking me meds like I'm supposed to, it makes me nauseous and not want to take them. On this past Wednesday, I attempted again but knew in my gut it wouldn't work because there were more pills I could have taken instead of what I did. I feel so alone in the world right now and just needed to get all fo this out somewhere. I don't know where I'm going to go from here. People think I'm going back to treatment for my eating disorder. I'm not sure if I want to or not. I'm not sure if I want to live until my next birthday. I never thought I'd make it to 18 but I did and I don't know what to do next because I didin't plan for it and can't seem to make any plans either. It is so hard to keep living when you don't feel you have a purpose.

    Sorry for writing so much. I just couldn't seem to stop once I started typing.

  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hey i'm really sorry you are going through all of this, i know that feeling of not planning ahead... i always thought i'd be dead by 18, then 21, then 30. believe it or not i'm 42 now! when i'm in crisis i try and take it one day at a time. if that's too long, one hour at a time. sometimes one minute at a time. i just make a deal with myself that i can always do it... later... just not right now.

    as well as posting here, which is a great relief, have you tried calling or emailing the samaratins? they don't pester you with advice or anything, they just let you vent whatever is going on at the moment. i was pretty sceptical, but i tried them earlier this month and it really helped.

    i'm sure other people will chime in, just wanted to say i'm thinking of you and please know you are not alone, plenty of us are fighting the same fight.
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