Everything triggers me. I can't get away from the impotent rage I hold inside of myself for all of my abusers. And when things happen in the 'now' that remind me of things that have happened in the past, I just freak. It doesn't have to be an exact experience. My biggest trigger is being helpless. Someone says or does something that bugs me or hurts me, and I can't do anything about it. It makes me feel revictimized all over again. What I really want to do is to hurt them all the way they've hurt me, and/or hurt others. I'm not even particular any longer - if they're an abuser they deserve to be hurt at least as bad as they've hurt someone else. This vengefullness makes me a very bad person. Fortunately there's nothing I can do. No one is worth going to jail over. I can't face the repercussions if I were to hurt them back. And a part of me inside can't begin to really hurt someone else, and make them feel as I feel. Besides, I'm a coward at heart. So I do nothing but seethe in my rage and hatred. And take it out on myself. Nothing is so horrifying as having someone do something to you (no matter what it is) and having to sit there and take it. Suck it up, so to speak. It takes a part of your soul. And every time I say, "Yes, Dad," or have to be nice to someone who has hurt me, or who is hurting me, or even someone who I just happen to not like for whatever reason, it gives me flashbacks, and takes another part of my soul. My soul is in so many pieces. Those who wish me dead shouldn't. Really. This being alive business is far more torture.