Memories from intensive care

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by GeekGurl, Dec 8, 2009.

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  1. GeekGurl

    GeekGurl Well-Known Member

    I've never really spoken to anyone about this but i remember certain things from when I was in intensive care, I was sedated a lot, and on morphine and then methadone and I don't know what else, the memories and fragmented and a lot don't make sense or aren't linear at all. I know some things definitely weren't real, but some I'm sure were, at least they feel real but how can I really know. it was a nightmare, i'm sure the worst experience of my life. and I think maybe at least one nurse might have done something to hurt me. I remember being so terrified of something there were about to do that I pulled my feeding tube out just to try and get attention because I was desperately trying to tell someone what was going on. but my throat was cut and I couldn't speak, I couldn't cry out for help, and a lot of the time I had no idea where I was, my father came to see me one time, and I tried to so hard get him to understand that I wanted a pen so that I could write down what was happening. I think eventually i got the pen but couldn't write, I just cried.

    I needed him to rescue me from them, but he didn't understand and just left.

    It's been more than a year ago now, but i'm still haunted by those experiences, I haven't been to see a doctor in a year. I'm so afraid. I think I might have PTSD.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey my daughter was in ICU twice on ventilator she struggled too it was awful to watch god i hated to see her fight the vent the tubes Ithink you should go see a doctor and get some therapy as i am sure it was very traumatic for you. I know as on onlooker it was horrifying to see. Perhaps thats why your dad just could not handle seeing you that way. I know my daughters father only went once then would not go back either. Even with all my training it is different when it is your child fighting for her life way different. go get some help talk with a councillor as it will help you put everything in perspective.
     
  3. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    What you're describing sounds very serious.

    Please try and work through memories with a counsellor. First you'll have to approach one. You can ask your GP about them. If you're scared, very understandably, try take your dad or anyone you trust along. If you have CMHT support you can ask about a counsellor there too. After that, you might be able to pursue avenues where you can let the relevant people know, people in your MH or local health trust.

    I don't doubt that you were hurt there by workers. It doesn't surprise me. I feel so angry that might have happened to you and it doesn't surprise me.

    What you went through sounds horrific and I'm so sorry you had to endure it. You were incredibily vulnerable and I want to let you know, many people go through similar things, especially women while trying to seek help from healthcare providers here.

    I really feel for you.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 13, 2009
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