I've never really spoken to anyone about this but i remember certain things from when I was in intensive care, I was sedated a lot, and on morphine and then methadone and I don't know what else, the memories and fragmented and a lot don't make sense or aren't linear at all. I know some things definitely weren't real, but some I'm sure were, at least they feel real but how can I really know. it was a nightmare, i'm sure the worst experience of my life. and I think maybe at least one nurse might have done something to hurt me. I remember being so terrified of something there were about to do that I pulled my feeding tube out just to try and get attention because I was desperately trying to tell someone what was going on. but my throat was cut and I couldn't speak, I couldn't cry out for help, and a lot of the time I had no idea where I was, my father came to see me one time, and I tried to so hard get him to understand that I wanted a pen so that I could write down what was happening. I think eventually i got the pen but couldn't write, I just cried. I needed him to rescue me from them, but he didn't understand and just left. It's been more than a year ago now, but i'm still haunted by those experiences, I haven't been to see a doctor in a year. I'm so afraid. I think I might have PTSD.