Memories of previous attempts..?

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by sami, Jan 16, 2008.

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  1. sami

    sami Well-Known Member

    Lately I have been getting flashbacks of times I have attempted suicide; and it's driving me crazy. It's like I am actually there.. only I am watching it happen, powerless to do anything else. I don't know what this means.. is it like 'a sign' that it's my time to go now?

    Has anyone else experienced this? What did you do to cope with it?
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I know the Hell you're going through sami, but it is a little differnet for me. I recently made an attempt that was completely different from other attempts. I too keep "replaying" in my mind over and over each and every day. It is driving me mad as it seems to be there only to remind me of what a failure I am and it is pushing me to want to attempt again. But I am a planner and am afraid that if I do it impulsively, I will only end up badly damaged or harmed. Don't know what to say to help you but wanted you to know you are not alone in your Hell.
  3. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    Our minds are amazing things. Sometimes it makes us do things we know we shouldn't do, and other times we don't do the things we know we should do. Having failed at attempts numerous times (did I really, suconsciously, want to fail?), I know the pain and shame and guilt that usually goes along with it. Perhaps we could think of ourselves as "successfully failed." I don't relive my successfully failed attempts, but I find I do feel a need to learn better to live. A psychologist and a therapist have been helping me do that, but progress, though visible, is frustratingly slow. Many times I've thought that there's no hope, and begin planning my next attempt. My feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, shame, self-hatred drive me toward death. A good psychologist and a great therapist are doing the tedious work of replacing those feelings with good ones, of taking life only one day at a time. "Today, I will stay alive." Then, tomorrow the same commitment. Inch by inch rather than a mile at a time. The mile is overwhelming, but the inch is doable. Tomorrow, I'll deal with tomorrow. For now, all I can deal with is the moment, which is really a healthy attitude toward life, anyway. For actions relived, we have to learn to let them go and allow ourselves to go on; or perhaps taking a thankful stance that you have another chance to live the gift of life. "May God bless us, every one."
  4. Entoloma43

    Entoloma43 Well-Known Member

    How long ago was your attempt?

    I had similar things to what you're describing but after time I stopped. It's been over a year since my attempt.
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