Our minds are amazing things. Sometimes it makes us do things we know we shouldn't do, and other times we don't do the things we know we should do. Having failed at attempts numerous times (did I really, suconsciously, want to fail?), I know the pain and shame and guilt that usually goes along with it. Perhaps we could think of ourselves as "successfully failed." I don't relive my successfully failed attempts, but I find I do feel a need to learn better to live. A psychologist and a therapist have been helping me do that, but progress, though visible, is frustratingly slow. Many times I've thought that there's no hope, and begin planning my next attempt. My feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, shame, self-hatred drive me toward death. A good psychologist and a great therapist are doing the tedious work of replacing those feelings with good ones, of taking life only one day at a time. "Today, I will stay alive." Then, tomorrow the same commitment. Inch by inch rather than a mile at a time. The mile is overwhelming, but the inch is doable. Tomorrow, I'll deal with tomorrow. For now, all I can deal with is the moment, which is really a healthy attitude toward life, anyway. For actions relived, we have to learn to let them go and allow ourselves to go on; or perhaps taking a thankful stance that you have another chance to live the gift of life. "May God bless us, every one."