Memories...RIP my friends

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by gothic_spleen, Apr 1, 2010.

  1. gothic_spleen

    gothic_spleen Antiquities Friend

    3:35 am and cant sleep, I see the faces of those ive lost. The ones ive hurt, the ones ive killed, and the ones I couldnt save. I see Barry, for those of you who have been here as long as I have or longer, you would remember Barry. Such a kind soul. I often wonder what it would have been like to actually meet him face to face. A year after we lost him(we as in SF chatters/bloggers) i was less than 20 miles from his home town on a buisness trip. If only he could have, or if only I could have....(insert something here).

    I think of Markus. The only child of a southern Minister, my best friend. A party/rave at my place that turned into a disaster. and now an angry minister/father, and a crying mother.

    To quote a very good stephen king movie..."Hell is repetition"...and if that is so, I believe that i am there now. I miss you my friends, and the many more that I have had to see die, and never had the chance of saving, let alone knowing.
  2. Ouroboros

    Ouroboros Chat Buddy


    The what ifs are things you need to let go. The past is just that, the past. You can't change it and just because you were near by or something doesn't mean it was your fault.

    Its good to remember them though, remember the good times and the goodness in those people. Treasure the time that you did have with them. But try to forgive yourself so you can move on :hug:
  3. gothic_spleen

    gothic_spleen Antiquities Friend

    yes but hell is repetition...

    I have been dealing with this for over five years now, and it wont go away. The memories, and the pain. In my dreams i see them calling for me. yea i know...its not real...its jus grating after a while.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your pain i am sorry it stays so vivid for you Your friends would not want you to remember them with pain they would want you to remember them with happy memories. I know it is hard to let the sadness go but try to remember the happy times with your friends
  5. Dragon

    Dragon Staff Alumni

    I remember Barry. I think of him often and I still miss him, even though we never met and rarely spoke. He was indeed a special soul.

    My PM's are open if you want to talk :hug:
  6. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    ditto that
  7. Ziggy

    Ziggy Antiquitie's Friend

    I once had a friend who was always trying to point out to me how amazing a dragonfly or leaf was. And I've also had friends who I would have happily died with but chose to die alone, their notes telling me that I deserve to find joy and happiness in my life.

    I really longed to join them. But what's more important is that I realise how amazing that dragonfly or leaf actually is, that I search for the joy and happiness that they longed for me. They're not dead, because what they believed in is important to me, but if I die, then maybe it's truely gone.
  8. liberty

    liberty New Member

    I haven't come onto this forum for over 2 years and this is the first thread I visited.
    I remember Barry I think. Argh. I spoke to him on msn a few times.
    Is there a thread about what happened to him? Its really sad. I find it sad that people you once knew die and you may never find out.
    At least he doesn't feel awful now. :(
  9. suicider628

    suicider628 Well-Known Member

    You can't kill people online u know, stop blaming yourself.