Memories.....(trigger?)

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Perfectly Imperfect, Mar 22, 2008.

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  1. Night, after night, after night, I'm having the same stupid fuckin nightmares..seeing him again and again. I can't get these images out of my head. The flashbacks are horrible and unbearable most of the time. I've yet to start cutting again, but I've been drinking every night, and the pills..can't stay away from the pills. I've tried talking to my gf about everything, and she can't do much because she doesn't understand really what has happened, though I've explained a bit to her. I've never talked to anyone about it, in real life, other than her..and this is a recent thing. It also doesn't help that I live with someone who reminds me of one of the men who raped and abused me. He looks, acts, and sounds like this man, and it just freaks me out any time I see him. This man also, is 44 years old, and hits on me often..flirting with me, touching me, hugging me, saying inappropriate things that just make me so uncomfortable. I had been staying the night at my dad's house every night, sleeping on the couch, so I didn't have to go over there, but when I returned home Monday, 17 March, from a trip to see my gf, I was told that they decided I couldn't stay there, sleeping on the couch every night because it was "just too much"..whatever that means. So now, I have to sleep in my own bed, over at Warren's house, and I'm really not sleeping anymore. Thursday night, I had gone over there, intending to get to bed early because I had a test in the morning, but when I got there Warren was still up, on his computer in the living room. I told him that I was getting up early, to go take a test, and we started talking about it. I told him that I was taking the nurse entrance test, to enter into the nursing program at a college here..something I've wanted to do for a long time, and he asked what it would do for me once I graduate. I told him I would be an RN, able to be independent, etc..and his comment to me was "I'll marry you if you're an RN." Disgusting!! You may not see it as being too bad..just a joke right? Well, if I was to explain every other little comment and action he's made, you would understand, but I can't go into that right now. After about an hour of tortuous chat with him, I'm finally telling him I have to get to sleep so I can be up in time to go take my test. Well, he gets up and puts his arm around my neck, like he's hugging me..but around my neck. :unsure: I freaked out, and just went to my room. It was just weird. I can't explain why I freaked out, but this man just reminds me so much of one of the men from my past, and I can't deal with it. I don't know what I'm supposed to do or how I'm going to get through all of this. I'm sorry this post is so long, but I had to just get it out. :mellow:
     
  2. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    :hug: jac. find me on msn if you want to talk. i always have an ear and an eye for yah.
     
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