I have tried therapies over and over again and all it seemed to do was bring everything out evenmore raw and then more to deal with.
I find I feel I am healing from the abuse stuff then its backwards again on the journey. Talking to those who have been through similar things I feel is often preferable to therapists who have just learnt about it. Its walking in the shoes which makes the difference.
Self help books are good as can be dipped in/out of when you feel like it and not the pressure invloved as with a therapist.
Drinking is a crutch for you but will only cause more and more problems over time. Talk to us, feel free to personally message me. I been working on my healing for over 20 years and some days I feel like I have nearly reached that pot of gold at the end the rainbow and other times gone back to the dark shadows of the thunder clouds.
I dont quite know what the answers are, people tell me to not dwell on it all and it will go away, but its not a case of dwelling is it, the memories and trauma is there and comes into the mind at its own will, not ours. Some days are easier than others, but hope for a day when will be sunshine and no (or virtually no cloud). I think even when we do heal and feel ok again we always carry part of what happened to us, with us for rest our lives but its copeable and in a way in our memory which doesn't continue to damage and hurt us. Take care and here if you wish to vent/chat/discuss. xx