Memories

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mpang123, Jul 28, 2013.

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  1. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Is it normal that I still have constant flashbacks of what happened to me over a year ago where I was in a coma for 9 days? The funny thing is that I don't remember much but I keep thinking about what other people told me about what happened to me. I'm obsessed with "filling the blanks" and I know I will never know the whole story. That bugs me a lot. Also, I sometimes have the urge to recreate the scenario where I go back into a coma. I think that deep inside of me, I am actually entertaining the thoughts and glorifying what I've been through, although I haven't admitted that to too many people. I just want to know if this is normal or is it something I have to process.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I was in the exact same position as you. I was in a coma in 2011 and I , like you was trying to fill in the blanks of what happened. I don't remember it or even the days after I woke up because what put me into the coma was extremely strong(I cannot say what exactly because it would be considered methods) and I was hallucinating for days afterwards. But I totally know where you are coming from. From what I was told was, I was in a coma for a number of days and I was sent down for a brain scan to see if my brain was still active, I feel terrible for putting my family through that as my mom stayed by my side the whole time. I was a bit obsessed with the whole thing for a while but for now I am trying to live in the present :)
     
  3. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Thanks music for confirming that my experiences are normal. Im just having a hard time forgetting it.
     
  4. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Why can't I forget it? Is it because it was so traumatic? Yes, I almost died and I had a near-death-experience because of it. The doctor recommended me shock therapy to minimize my memories but I had that years ago when they tried to lessen the suicide ideations and urges to commit suicide. However, it didn't work but I had short term memory loss which to this day I do not remember a month before the treatment and a month after that. They say your memories will come back but it never did. I'm scared about another shock therapy because it doesn't guarantee that I would forget my memories.
     
  5. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    What bothers me is that I'm still wishing for another attempt but I have no plan yet. It is hard to discuss this because it usually scares my group members and counselors and my psychiatrist. I sign a safety contract frequently and thank God I abide to it. My life is in my hands, but it is very shaky. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't talk to my neighbors or manager about my wishful thinking because it is too uncomfortable to talk about. Imagine if they are bothered by them, How do they think what I'm going through? I just wish there is a support group for survivors like me. I would find much comfort to talk about it there. Until then, I'm just living day by day and hope it will get better.
     
  6. frantic

    frantic Well-Known Member


    i can relate. last october i attmpted and woke up three days later in the icu with lots of tubes, machines, iv's. i, too, want to fill in the blanks. no one has talked to ome about anything that happened that week. i want to ask my husband, but i don't know how. all i know is that the psych woman who came to see me in the icu said that i shouldn't hvae survived that one. i tihnk about taht week a lot. i don't know how to find out.
    like you, i feel like "replaying" that experience. i don't know why, it wasn't all that pleasant. i'm kinda obsessed with finding out what happened.
     
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