I've spent the weekend staying at my mum and dads house and well lets be honest not much has changed, I have pretty close relationship with my mum and enjoy spending time with her we tried to go and do some of the Christmas shopping and well its sometimes hard as she has kidney failure and is currently waiting for a transplant, its a lot of good and bad days. I cant say my relationship with my dad is anything.. in fact he hasn't changed one bit hes still selfish and a nasty drunk.. we ended up in an argument after he and my mum had a disagreement when he had come home drunk from the pub normally I wouldn't get involved in these and let them have their argument and then give them the space to sort things out. but when the words come out of his mouth of "i'd be better off if you were dead" I saw red and I flew down the stairs to my mothers defence. I wont go into who said what or who was more hurtful but all I know is right this moment I feel nothing but disgust for this man... how horrible can you be. he then turned things on to me and start his verbal assault on me which in truth I would prefer as then he is leaving my mum alone. some of the things he said I still have running around my brain how hes not my dad and he never wanted me. I was a mistake he only ever wanted my brothers. he then took it to a whole new low of he wishes I was dead because I'm never going to amount to anything in my life I'm just a waste of space. he left me shaking with rage I had to literally force myself to stay upstairs he made me that angry that I considered hurting him and I'm not talking a punch I'm talking more serious than that. This is one of the reasons why I moved out before, I couldn't keep living with his bullying because although he doesn't realise and he wont admit it that's all he is a bully who thinks he can control everyone and everything. His drinking and the pub comes first over his family and always will do. I don't really know why or how my mum has put up with him her answer is she has no where to go and he knows it.... I know I shouldn't say it but I told her to divorce him she has my home where she is more than welcome to come and live in its only me there and I have 3 bedrooms. even when she tells him she wants a divorce it doesn't even make him stop and think, he shows no remorse. me and my mother haven't spoken to him hes not even tired to sort things out. I'm still staying here until Monday but as awful as I sound for saying this I'm completely done with him I went through this the whole time I was a child. I want nothing to do with him. he makes me sick to my stomach with how nasty he is and how he thinks its ok..