Men who suffered sexual abuse as children

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Bostonensis, Jun 4, 2007.

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  1. Bostonensis

    Bostonensis Guest

    I have a son whom I suspect that he is sexually molested by his father. I talked to him & he denies it never happen & then he also said that it only happen once or twice but he cannot remember it. I am aware now of the Stockholm Syndrome. What can you advice family & loved ones who are in this situation right now.Before I found out about the Stockholm Syndrome, I was so depressed that I thought he is avoiding me. But now I understand.He is 14y/o

     
  2. bipolarbiped

    bipolarbiped Active Member

    It is of the utmost importance that you get him into therapy and validate what has happened to him was/is not his fault. He is likely unsure of himself and his memories, possibly he has already blocked out the majority of the details, but can be haunted by fleeting thoughts or memories or just ideas.There is a tremendous amount of guilt and self hatred that comes along with being molested, especially if done be a caregiver. There seems to be even more stigma when it involves male/male abuse as it suggests homosexuality. The longer this goes untreated the more difficult it will be to recover and the more damaging the effects will be.
     
  3. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    I totally agree. I'm sorry you are and your son are going through this, seeing as he isn't opening up at all it is important you get him into therapy. In the meantime can you stop your son from seeing his father?
     
  4. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    I agree that your son needs thearpy, but being pushed to talk about it and remember it is likely to damage him even more. The brain blocks out such memories as a defence mechanism, and forcing those memories to surface before he's ready for them is seriously not good. I was abused when I was 6 and I still don't remember what happened to me and I'm now 21. I only remembered that it happened at all when I was around 15.

    About the Stockholm Syndrome, I doubt he has this. It usually occurs in kidnapping or hostage cases and only during sexual abuse when the abuse started young and continued for many years. I don't think the reason he doesn't want to talk to you is that he is loyal to his abuser, it's much more likely that he feels ashamed, he doesn't actually remember it, and his abuser may have threatened him if he told anyone. I also don't think it's a good idea to label him with a syndrome, that will just make him feel like he's the one who has something wrong with him and that he's bad and flawed, and all the other things that he's thinking about himself anyway. He isn't mentally ill, he's just a normal boy who's had something awful happen to him.
     
  5. I would say that he is afraid that by telling you he has been hurt that you will be hurt and think differently of him. He is very confused about the situation and he really does need to be in some sort of therapy in case he ever does want to talk about it. Be there for him, show him you're open to talking about anything, and that you love him no matter what. He probably blames a part of himself for what happened and he really is needed some extra care right now. Show him how important he is to you.
    Don't pressure him to talk about it. He'll most likely lie to you because he cares about you. Make sure that if he does decide to talk with you about it then you don't deny him this and you are understanding about all he is saying--don't push it. This is a very hard time on him, being hurt like that and beginning puberty. Please make sure he is out of that situation so that he will no longer be hurt in that manner. Do everything possible to make sure he is safe.
    :hug: for you and your son. I wish you two well and I hope things get better for your family.
     
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