men, women and dogs

Discussion in 'The Coffee House' started by bunny, Mar 5, 2007.

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  1. bunny

    bunny Staff Alumni

    1. How Dogs and Men Are the Same
    • Both take up too much space on the bed.
    • Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
    • Both are threatened by their own kind.
    • Both mark their territory.
    • Both are bad at asking you questions.
    • Neither tells you what's bothering them.
    • The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
    • Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
    • Neither does any dishes.
    • Both fart shamelessly.
    • Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
    • Both like dominance games.
    • Both are suspicious of the postman.
    • Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
    • Neither understands what you see in cats.

    2. How Dogs Are Better Than Men

    • Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
    • Dogs miss you when you're gone.
    • Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
    • Dogs don't criticize your friends.
    • Dogs admit when they're jealous.
    • Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
    • Dogs don't laugh at how you throw).
    • Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
    • You can train a dog.
    • Dogs are easy to buy for.
    • You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
    • The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, the *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
    • Dogs understand what no means.
    • Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
    • Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
    • Dogs admit it when they're lost.
    • Dogs are color blind.
    • Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
    • Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

    3. Where Dogs Fall Down
    • Men only have two feet that track in mud.
    • Men can buy you presents.
    • Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block.
    • Men are a little bit more subtle.
    • Men don't eat turds on the sly.
    • Dogs have dog breath all the time.
    • Men can do math stuff. But then, who really needs a man to do math?
    • Men don't shed as much, and if they do, they hide it.
    • It's fun to dry off a wet man.

    And the reverse-----

    • Dogs don't ask what are you thinking.
    • Dogs don't cry.
    • Dogs love it when your friends come over.
    • Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.
    • Dogs think you sing great.
    • A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
    • Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.
    • "The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you"
    • Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
    • Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
    • Dogs are excited by rough play.
    • Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
    • Dogs love red meat.
    • Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.
    • Anyone can get a good-looking dog.
    • "If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it."
    • Dogs don't shop.
    • Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
    • A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
    • Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
    • A dog's parents never visit.
    • Dogs love long car trips.
    • Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
    • Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted.

  2. AloneInTheDark

    AloneInTheDark Well-Known Member

    lol Bunny, that was a good laugh, nice post :smile:
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Men don't eat turds on the sly.

    That just cracked me up!!!:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  4. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

    lol that made me laughhhh

    almost to 1000
  5. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    :goodone: :rofl:

  6. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Awwww :rofl: :hysterica

  7. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    This is tooooooo funny!! :hysterical:
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