Mental and Emotional Bullying

Discussion in 'Bullying and Violence' started by Buggsy2008, Jan 26, 2009.

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  1. Buggsy2008

    Buggsy2008 Well-Known Member

    Why do people in general not recognise it as a form of bullying? Where i'm from if you said you were being bullied the first thing they asked was 'who's hitting you', you say no one and they're like 'well how are you being bullied then?'.

    My mum has 'bullied' me emotionally and mentally ever since i can remember. She would never show me any affection as a child, but would be all hugs and kisses with my brother. She never told me she loved me but told him.

    If i done something she didn't like she would say things such as:

    'you're just like your dad'
    'they all told me to get rid of you when i was pregnant'
    'you're dad didnt hit me until i got pregnant with YOU'

    Even now, she constantly insults me and makes spiteful comments. She knows i've been diagnosed with depression and sociophobia (not that she believes me) and she knows I don't handle stress well and self harm (attention seeking she says) and yet she still makes my life a misery.

    Today for example. I do the housework here because I don't work, and today because of how low i was feeling I was distracted and probably didnt pay enough attention. So the hoovering was below her standards (and mine tbh) and to make matters worse after i washed the floors the dog made muddy pawprints on them (thank you henry!).

    Bearing in mind i've not done anything else to annoy her (not knowingly) and its the first time in a while that she's moaned about housework. She started screaching at me and saying she was fed up with me living here and that she wanted me out. This has been an agenda for a while as i was going to be kicked out in March but we came to a compromise (her taking most of my benefits) on the understanding that I could stay until I found somewhere.

    NOW she acting like I DO have to go in march.

    (slightly off topic there)

    She does things like this which mess with my head because i have no stability. She also makes a point of not including me in family things. Like today her and my brother went to McDonalds (no idea why) and he made a point of saying they were going there. No offer for me to go too.

    They went to my uncles yesterday and again I wasnt invited (never am). New Years Eve they were going to a friends and invited my brothers Friend, INFRONT of me but didnt ask me. So I spent new years eve alone in my room while they were all together having fun.

    Whenever we get visitors i'm sent to my room, this has been the case since i was a little now 20!

    Am I just self pitying or is she actually being a mental/emotional bully.... there's alot more i could tell about her alone but i think i've gone on too much now.
  2. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Hmmm! I think we may be sisters lol

    My Mum is the same as yours. She has always, and still does, told me that she never wanted daughters. She goes on about how disappointd she was when I turned out to be a girl, especially as she miscarried my twin brother at 4 months.

    My brothers and younger sisters got everything they needed, still do, I got barely anything, including clothing. Things got so bad in my 14th year that during the winter it was literally freezing, deep snow etc. I was going to school wearing shirt sleeves because i didnt have a jumper. The teachers actually clubbed together and bought me a coat and a pair of shoes! I also got a whole 'new school uniform out of lost property. My Mum was livid and made me take them back :(
    The school informed social services but, god know what my mum told them, they never came again. As soon as i Hit 17 i moved out, it was the best thing i ever did!

    Maybe it would be the best thing for you also?

    Lea :hug:
  3. Buggsy2008

    Buggsy2008 Well-Known Member

    I would move out if I had somewhere to go. My only alternative is the streets right now.

    My nan bought all my school clothes, normal clothes and most other things. Mum would go shopping in the sales and buy for my brother but rarely me.

    My nan always made sure i never went without, if she hadnt then i think mum would have kept me clothed as she wouldnt want the neighbours gossiping about how i was kept.

    The only way she's actually neglected me is by withholding any love and praise. She always critisises when i do wrong but when i do something good she never praises me.

    I cant cope with constant critising and no praise as it makes me think why bother.
  4. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    do you live in the uk?
  5. Buggsy2008

    Buggsy2008 Well-Known Member

    Yeah. . . south east.
  6. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    ok, so, if your mum wants you out so badly, she should agree to go to the local housing offices with you. She will have to write a letter saying she wants you out of the house. they may put you in a short term hostel first but quite often the have a few 1 bed flats free at any one time.
    It might also be a good idea to ask your therapist to write you a supporting letter too.

    Good luck, Lea :hug:
  7. Buggsy2008

    Buggsy2008 Well-Known Member

    Im already going through a council application, its taking foorever though
  8. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I don't know about the UK, but here in New England emotional abuse is a pretty serious crime.

    My dad was convicted of emotional abuse and I haven't had to see him in years.
  9. Synesthetic Soul

    Synesthetic Soul Well-Known Member

    Wow, I'm so sorry for you. Hearing that really hurts me. I'm sorry your mom is so terrible to you. I hope you can get out of there soon. No one deserves to be treated this way! :hug:
  10. Kunera

    Kunera Well-Known Member

    That's something I never really understood either. Mental/emotional bullying is worse, in my opinion.
    Once you get a physical beating, it's over and done with. Mentality and emotions, however, stick with you. For a very long time.

    Sorry to hear that you're going through what you are, and I sincerely hope that things eventually go well for you!
  11. brueyh1976

    brueyh1976 Well-Known Member

    I mentally bullied by someone when I was at school from the age of 11 to the age of 16. This person made my life a living hell, what made it worse was that he later moved into the house next door to me. I came very close to ending my life because of it when I was 19. It has left me feeling depressed and suicidal. This bully has recently come back to haunt me in a way that I didn't think was possible. It has left me feeling scared, frightened and terrified. I go to bed and don't want to wake up.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 18, 2009
  12. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    my mom did the same :sad:
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