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Mental breakdown

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by fs07, Dec 20, 2007.

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  1. fs07

    fs07 New Member

    I'm 17 and for the last year or so i've been seriously questioning my sanity, and its really getting to me. I dont know what's real and whats not anymore, i cant concentrate on anything, i hear and sometimes see things that aren't there.

    I smoke cannabis on a regular basis (every day) because without it i feel depressed and nothing seems to mean anything.
    I'm trying really hard to separate what is real and whats not but nothing seems real at all. I have what other people call 'delusions' about reality and I know its stupid but i cant help but believe them. For example, almost every waking minute i have what seems like outside narration in my head of my voice telling me none of the material world is real and that it is all simply an illusion that i have made, and every day more and more i believe it. It's hard to even type this because i keep questioning the point of even posting here (this is the 3rd time ive tried). The present feeling of being completely alone scares and depresses me, and this is why i just hope the train i get on everyday derails and ends it all.

    I feel like i don't know anything for sure anymore, except for my own existence.
  2. Metallica*Melinda

    Metallica*Melinda Well-Known Member

    Hi Im 19 years old and am having similiar problems. I also see and hear things that others say are not there... I believe in them though... I too think this world isnt real and its just all a set...
    I hope things get better for you... you could PM me anytime if u need to talk...
    TAKE CARE, Melinda!
  3. mrgloom2012

    mrgloom2012 New Member

    Hi, I read both your posts and I can advise the following. Look up "derealization" and "depersonalization"

    I had thoughts of the world not being real. I often feel as I am the "fly on the wall" and watching reality like a movie. I have always felt that material is non existent. I have always.... smoked weed.

    Weed is a hallucinogen and believe me when I tell you that it trips you up from time to time. I am not here preaching to you as an advocate against marijuana, I am just telling you the truth.

    I love the stuff. In fact, i wish I had a bag right now but the stuff seems to be scarce round my way.

    TAKE A BREAK from the herb for as long as you need. I know reality is dull when you are not high. That is why we get high, because reality sucks so bad. Just take a short break and relax yet occupy your mind. If you draw, sketch your visions out on paper. If you write, put some text down on the subjects in your mind. Do something creative!!

    I have smoked for the past 12 years with no breaks.. I haven't smoked in 90 days and I can see the real truth now...

    If you need further advice or a shoulder to punch.. write me.

    Use best in moderation.
  4. fs07

    fs07 New Member

    I want to stop but i feel like its the only thing keeping me going. When i'm not high all i ever think is what if im right?
    I'm literally obsessed. I can't get out of it you know? If i went to a doctor and he said "It's all in your head, ive seen this a million times, etc" all i could think would be that he would say that, i created him in my mind. I cant get out of it and its pushing me to the edge.

    I crossed the road with my eyes closed yesterday because something in my head told me to. And i wasn't scared because i didn't think any of it was real. The cars, the road, everything. I don't want to believe this but i can't help it. A year ago i never would have done anything like that.

    If this is all there is, then i just dont want to be here anymore.
  5. mrgloom2012

    mrgloom2012 New Member

    I can understand.

    do you know why none of this phases the doctor?? Because he HAS seen it a million time.

    And why do you find yourself questioning existence?? Because no one else around you is.

    I was walking your same path just 4 months ago. I actually walked into a wall because i convinced myself that the wall was not real. There were several instances in which I would seemingly put myself in dangerous situations because my sub conscience mind was telling me to.

    Look, I don't know you but I really want to help so I am offering you up my experience so you can see just a bit more clear. So please... read on.

    Marijuana is a tricky herb. I can both help and hurt, but one must have a clear head in order for it to help. You see, smoking herb over a long period of time will cause you to lose focus, especially on reality. When I was high all the time, I became very interested in metaphysics. I had this grand notion the all natural things were energy and all man-made things were dead matter that was a figment of my imagination.

    Like I said, I haven't gotten high in a while now and I will be the first to admit that LIFE IS BORING. But friend... I am proof that you can exist (even for a little while) when you aren't high. Some would say that I am "Bi-polar", Depressed, ADD, OCD.. Man I have heard it all. I have panic attacks every week. I smoked purple haze every day... I NEEDED some time off.

    Do you have anyone that you can hang with who is a none smoker?

    Go to a book store and read about stuff.

    Go to the mall and people watch. (Awesome)

    Even if your mind is making up reality, Isn't it cool that your version of reality is so much more in depth than those around you?

    You are freaking because you crave something more in life. Stick around and you will find it. I know It!!


    Trust me when I say that you are not alone, even though you may think you are. I used to think I was alone, I know I am not. I met several people (including you) who are the same. People like us... we are really smart. One guy I met is a scientist, I am an engineer.
  6. alice0705

    alice0705 Well-Known Member

    Weed will mess with your head that way. If you want to quit, after smoking so long, you probably need to get some help. It will be worth it though. Your paranoia, fear, isolation, and sense of unreality will all ease up. Really, you will have a new lease on life. Just get some help so you are not alone.
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