My indecisive nature is even worse today. I do not know exactly where I stand and the frustration increasingly fluctuates, whereas I like to know exactly what is what. The problem or difficulty within has me wondering how to react to the aftermath of depression's peak, and I need to search my heart, realize it was not failure , and do my best to forgive. As I feel the frustration brewing, I take a deep breath, and another, and another... I'm trying to stay flexible in body and mind - so out for an earlier morning walk. I am prone to emotional intensity and I can't let that determine whether or not I execute my plan on reserve. I am not ready to dismantle or exchange it though, for anyone sake but my own. I should have been more reserved in what I have told others. He seemed to have always found me and I found me safe...I can still hear his voice that I can't get out of my head --I know he was only doing his job. I have emotional detachment disorder. Facing my feelings squarely is difficult because I need to admit vulnerability and acknowledge pain. I cut, it's better then. Always trying to see myself through another's eyes but I think I manipulate the view through my own eyes. I see me different than everyone else I think. I expect more. There is always something more. But I can never find it. After so many words, still nothing is heard. Was he listening or just an obsession in my mind? I hear him in my sleep; I feel his voice Will you walk with me? For I trust you relentlessly. But you said nothing. Nothing at all. All the time you knew though I tried to do the right thing. Tried to find my way. And no matter how hard I tried It's as if you said nothing Nothing at all Did you lie? Or did I selfishly believe? Again you said nothing Nothing at all. So then free me - let me go! And with a heartfelt smile You said they had a right to take me.. And I replied, "And so do I, so do I"