My mental health downgraded completely when I was 11/12 but I received help whenever I was 13 after my scars were discovered. This help was absolute shit, I went to therapy just for them to tell me everything I was saying was wrong, doubting me and telling me to just not hurt myself. You could tell a therapist you have fingers and they would still find a way to tell you that you don't. Plus at this time I was also restricting food, what did my therapist tell me? "I could get you on the scales! You are skinny!" Then it brings me chocolate days later.. like I don't want this bullshit I want support and coping mechanisms not you saying nothing is wrong with me. Time skip a few years later, school sends me home and I have to speak to a crisis team as they were very worried I was going to kill myself. The crisis team spoke to me for a few weeks but were absolute shit. Blamed things on my hormones, my Gp gave me birth control which did nothing to help. I was also put in hospital due to my eating disorder, I starved myself and developed a fear of liquids because I felt it was making me gain weight. My crisis worker told my family that he doesn't think I have any eating disorder at all. Which has really pissed me off because I know from YEARS of struggling with one that I have an eating disorder. At the moment I am incredibly suicidal and just emotionless really, I have no support. I can't bring myself to go to school, I have no motivation to do anything, I have not left my house in ages and I left everyone I love because I feel like everyone is a distraction from me taking my life and also from my eating disorder. I have the smallest amount of hope left and it gets smaller everyday because anytime I speak to a therapist I right away get invalidated and made to feel like nothing is wrong with me; I have a history of suicide attempts which gets ignored by them. I am just always miserable or overall feel nothing. Fuck, I would even take antidepressants. Not a fan of meds but ANYTHING to help me, unfortunately they won't do anything to help because all my years of suicide attempts, anorexia, self harm, childhood trauma (abuse, nelgect ect.) and self destruction of everything I love is nothing but a mere low mood, not depression. There is nothing wrong with me. Which I sometimes believe but at the moment I think that is a ridiculous concept. Maybe there is nothing wrong with me now but once I take my own life they probably won't be saying that.