Mental Illness and Suicide

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by DannyBoy, Dec 4, 2010.

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  1. DannyBoy

    DannyBoy Well-Known Member

    My whole life anxiety has prevented me from doing so many things I used to want to do. When I got anxiety under control I sadly became apathetic and didn't do much.

    Now I'm just depressed and hopeless. I suffer from a host of problems including OCD, depression, dissociative disorder, anxiety and panic, and now I'm suicidal.

    In our dog eat dog world I wonder what chance I really have out there? The sad thing I don't even have the will or motivation to do anything anymore. It all seems so pointless now. I don't feel like any direction I go in is going to lift my spirits or make me see things in a different light.

    If there were some purpose maybe I could justify sticking around. I envy those of you with families and kids cause there's at least a reason. I don't even have that. I just have me and my thoughts that lead me to ruin every day.

    Sometimes I feel like I'm just destined for suicide now.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You have to find that purpose find that passion in life and go after it. Do things out of the ordinary that you haven't done before Push yourself okay to do new things and find that purpose take care
  3. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Anxiety has also fucked my life up to an extent. I don't go out of the house unless I have to. Like school, and basically that's it. It's assissted in crippling my confidence and destroyed my self esteem. So from that I have no friends. I've become something of a mute at school. You know how the average person probly says thousands of words a day? Well I probly say less than 100 each day. No one wants to talk to someone that barely speaks, right? It defeats the point of socialising.

    I can't remember what came first. The depression or the anxiety? I'd have to point the finger at the depression. Shortly after the anxiety followed. Because of this poisonous revolving door or depression and anxiety I've become extremely emotionally sensitive. If someone says something hurtful to me I'll pull it inside of me. Imagine putting a grenade inside a glass box. That's what it's like. I can't help it. Sometimes the mean shit is all I get.

    -- Me too mate. I honestly don't see how I could recover from feeling this way for so long. At such a young age, it's all I can remember. Speaking of remembering, my memory is pretty fucked up too. But near non-existent levels of motivation and concentration don't help either I guess.

    Sometimes.....all I can think of is giving up.

  4. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    What are the things that you used to like to do? What was it that gave you pleasure? Can you take any small steps towards doing them again? X
  5. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    By getting the anxiety under control, you've proved that you're capable of helping yourself, have determination and most importantly, self awareness. Thats all really good. You should be proud of that achievement. Its huge.

    Again with the self awareness. Honestly I found the people who are most difficult to help are the ones who aren't even aware that there's a problem. They think its everyone else and it can take years to get through to them that a lot of it is a result of how they are behaving with other people.
    That's not you though because you have self awareness. A great start and you can build on it.
    You need to turn the OCD to your advantage and learn everything you possibly can about each of your conditions. That's quite a massive task so split it into baby steps and do a tiny thing each day until you've built up a good amount of knowledge. Knowledge is power (I think I'm going to have to use that as a signature, I say it such a lot here)
    You're not hopeless, you're ill so stop beating yourself up.

    It can be a horrible world and very dog eat dog. We seem to live in a celebrity obsessed society where all people care about is material things and looking good. Or at least that's the impression the media give.
    The reality is that there are lots of good people in the world and lots of good things going on but you'd never know that from the papers and news.
    The direction that you need to go in is the field of mental health. Which might seem like an odd thing to say but no one understands mental health like the people who suffer from mental issues.
    You have the opportunity to help other people, even if it's just by posting on this forum.
    You may be able to turn that into a career.
    You're intelligent, self aware and once you've read up on it all, you'll be very knowledgeable. You can use that to help people. Can you think of anything more rewarding than that?

    Actually whilst families can keep you alive they can also add a whole lot of guilt to the mix when you're in a deep depression. When I'm seriously bad I think my family would be better off without me because I shouldn't keep putting them through the depressions.
    That thought process is part of the illness of course but I can't see that when I'm down. I just see my poor family having to cope with me yet again and how much they suffer as a result.
    What you're doing here is thinking that the 'grass is greener'. There's a lot to be said for only having yourself to worry about. You can use all your time to find out more about your illness and work out coping strategies that work for you.

    That's the illness talking. You can make your own destiny. (Or at least I think you can) You can choose to fight, to gain knowledge, to share knowledge, to make a difference to someone else. You can choose never to give up. Some things are out of our control but suicide isn't one of them.
    Get learning!
    Sending hugs,
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