Mental illness

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by PuraVida22, Aug 21, 2009.

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  1. PuraVida22

    PuraVida22 Member

    Hey everyone-- I actually am familiar with this place, and I know it's a *great* place. God bless whoever made this place. I know without question that this forum is saving lives daily. Without question.

    I used to come here some time ago, not sure the name I used.... But let me tell you why I am here with a new name. I remembered how great this place was to come to and find people who understood and cared... I might break off from what you can identify with in this next part but.... I was OCD from about 5 or 6 until around 10 or so.... I wouldn't call that mental illness... but I was ready my whole life for a trigger to make me mentally ill. I found that trigger as a teen when I decided to take drugs and that triggered a lot of hidden problems and mental illness.

    So anyway.... Just to destroy your assumptions, I have actually been in charge of a multi-million dollar business for many years... After knowing I was somewhat mentally ill. I think being busy at work and staying sober kept the mental illness away.

    When I left this place, I had several other issues in life to deal with..... I probably wasn't able to deal with them naturally, and since I used too many drugs before, my mental illness has become more than present recently.

    I've known I was schizophrenic for many years and it was drug-induced so anyone who says this can't happen from taking drugs is absolutely wrong. I was never schizophrenic before I took a lot of drugs. I believe this trait in me already existed but was awoken by me taking drugs. So I don't think drugs themselves make you like this, but if you have a tendency, it could me awoken by taking drugs.

    Anyhow, I now live with my mental illness. Like I said, I was in charge of millions of dollars before for a very respectable business, and all was quite well. If you are mentally ill, or have the trait lying dormant, it can be hard to deal with when it comes out. For me, I used to go religious forums and drug addictions forums... Then I went to mental illness forums (of which not many exist and most are idle)...... Then I remembered *this* great place I had come to before... and I thought... What the heck... I'm not really suicidal but this place and the people here were so great before....

    Plus, I think being suicidal and having mental illness sort of go hand in hand....... I eventually came to accept that I am mentally ill without having a negative opinion of myself. That's just the way I was born, basically. With a different view and sort of disturbed. Doing drugs certainly didn't help it but.... Today, I can take a mature stance and laugh about it. I understand that I'm different and yeah, it causes me problems. But I can deal with it. And I want to be open to share my experiences and allow others with mental illness to feel open to share. If you're disturbed or suicidal, then you are "mentally ill." I don't think it is really very uncommon. People make you think it is, but it's not. I will openly tell you that I deal with mental illness on a day to day basis. To me, it is all about *admitting* it, first of all.... Then once you do that, it's not so bad and you can deal with it.

    You might never be as "normal" as you wish.... But I am trying to be the person that I always wish I knew (but haven't met) whereas I will just straight tell you I am completely mentally ill. No medication or religion or anything is ever going to completely "fix" me. This is the way I was born. I have no shame about it. I want to show you that there is no shame in being like this. You just need to be able to talk openly with people like me who have no shame of it.

    But still... If you're like me.... The last thing you need to do is go on some rant or obsess about your condition. Just accept and focus on the things that will get you somewhere in life--- money, husband, wife, whatever it is you want. Don't obsess about your illness. People don't even have to know about it... Don't think about it so much. Just accept that that's the way you were born and deal with it.

    I hope to have some responses. I know some people here must feel like they have mental problems. I have no shame-- I know I have them. Just admit it, deal with it.... Talk to people like me.... You will be happier.. :)


    P.S. I also think that if you understand that you are "mentally ill," you should expect that things in life will make you more upset or angry than an average person. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. Learn to understand that you are sensitive and like this. Learn to not react to it. It can be hard but..... Part of being "mentally ill," in my opinion, is the way that we react to things. We must not react crazily or emotionally to everything. We must remain calm, and with the ultimate peace within us at ALL times, at *ALL* times. This makes the traits of "mental illness" become lesser. Anyhow...... I would love for you all to be honest and respond here. I'm putting myself "out there." I have no shame to tell you that I know I am mentally ill. I think you won't ever fix it, just learn to deal with it... and you will be much happier. :)


    P.P.S ... I know for SURE that openly talking about your problems or what you think can start to solve your problems. Although no one really knows that I am schizophrenic, I have read about it and know that I am. I am not ashamed about it. You wouldn't believe some of the things I have believed before. I still hold beliefs to the day which I wouldn't tell anyone because I will have trouble when they say I am crazy. Basically, if you're "crazy" and your beliefs are going to hurt you or anyone else, then there is a problem. If you are at the point which I am at and just regular crazy but not hurting yourself or others..... Well..... That's where I'm at. Believe me, I have had beliefs which were absolutely insane. And I really believed in those ideas sometimes. I now accept who I am and this illness.... So that is what I feel is the best tool in dealing with it.

    So definitely, you should openly admit your problems to someone crazy like me...... No matter how strange your beliefs.... When you openly admit these things, you will start the path to healing, in my opinion. I also know, after years of study on this topic, that people who are mentally ill/suicidal/whatever .... almost ALWAYS place a LOT of importance on FEELINGS, MORALS, etc........ And let me tell you, from experience...... If you have mental problems, you should try to place LESS and LESS importance on feelings/righteousness/morals. Your problems are probably very much related to a self-image which doesn't work in the real world. You have to try to be more "real" oriented and try to distance yourself in some ways from your strong emotions and beliefs. These have caused you problems, most likely.

    To sum up, once you realize, like I have, that you are mentally ill... if you are... Just admit it, learn how to deal with it, and try to forget it then. Don't think about it forever. You might be like me and born with these traits.... So don't try to fight or hate yourself... This is the worst thing to do, to blame yourself. It is not your fault. But it is real. Just admit it and learn to deal with it. And move on to that which you are interested with... Never forget.... But move on and get on with your life.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 21, 2009
  2. Polar

    Polar Account Closed

    Hi PuraVida22,

    I think you have an exceptional approach to your mental illness. People like you should be very proud of the way you both manage it and accept it. So well done to you on this!

    I have been diagnosed with several mental illnesses over the last ten years. The main one though everybody thought I had though has most likely been misdiagnosed. I would love to be able to say what I have but like the doctors, I'm not sure. My point is knowing your mental illness and being able to share it with dignity and grace is something I wouldn't shy from either.

    I think your correct in a sense about feelings and morals putting people in awkward situations. However, I do think they have their place because I know people with such traits and they have helped so many people by being that way.

    Well done on what you've acheived in life also. That is a tremendous effort and the way you conduct yourself is truly admirable.

    Thank you.

    Kind regards,

  3. PuraVida22

    PuraVida22 Member

    I guess I should mention that I am currently dealing with the death.... the murder... of a close friend. This is bringing back memories of the place I was born, a place plagued with this type of violence. I think the violence might have been what ultimately made me mentally ill.

    I was born from a good family..... My little brain was never able to process the physical assaults I endured.... and also probably not when my close friend was shot in the stomach and threw up all his guts in my other friend's arms, to die approximately ten minutes later. When the ambulance arrived, my friend was all but dead.

    This might be a little bit graphic, but to me... This is real. This is something I have to deal with. If I deny that this is true, I just suppress it even more. I say it's true and I know it's true, unfortunately.

    But if I can continue to live through such horrible things, I know that other people can as well. Again, I say the key is to admit what has happened....... Never deny it. To deny your problems will make them come back later. I admit that these things have happened to me.

    I am stronger........ I live still-- I type this, don't I? I choose to live beyond these travesties on this Earth-- I am greater. I refuse to be a victim of this life. I am only someone who transcends the problems which we all face..... I choose to live and be great.

    P.S. I hope every voting citizen in the U.S. supports financing for public education........ It is fact that with higher education, crime rate goes down. Maybe someday, if we have a better public education system, people like my friend will not end up dead with a gunshot wound to the stomach.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 22, 2009
  4. lifeisashedog

    lifeisashedog Well-Known Member

    Great! :party: Now please write us a little step-by-step tutorial (on the level "for dummies" if possible) how can someone with mental illness get in charge of multi-million bussines. This is a piece of information we here crave for :Jumpy:
  5. lifeisashedog

    lifeisashedog Well-Known Member

    "You might never be as "normal" as you wish.... But I am trying to be the person that I always wish I knew (but haven't met) whereas I will just straight tell you I am completely mentally ill. No medication or religion or anything is ever going to completely "fix" me. This is the way I was born. I have no shame about it. I want to show you that there is no shame in being like this. You just need to be able to talk openly with people like me who have no shame of it."

    Amen to that.

    There should be some Mental Illness Pride Parade so we could meet in great numbers and show those normals we are not afraid of them :idea:

    Hey, hey, say it loud:
    "I'm a psycho and I'm proud!"

  6. Young suicider

    Young suicider Well-Known Member

    So much reading welcome back.Did you just tell me every detail of your life?I felt like I was reading one of the harry potter books LOL :)
  7. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm happy for you that you have made such progress and find yourself able to accept who you are. Keep moving forward hun.
  8. PuraVida22

    PuraVida22 Member

    To be honest... I think in the end.... I was born of a conservative Christian mother, whom values I followed, and of a father who himself, and his family all denied God in any form, and admitted to hating God. This contrast caused a quagmire in my mind.............. I naturally followed my mother and wanted to be of a life serving value, honor, etc...... but have been twisted by a family plagued by evil.. My father's family. I think it is all about good or bad energy in life...... I am having trouble getting over my father's family's negative energy.....

    I know factually that my father and his two brothers were beaten unmercrilessly by their father for any reason and often..... I understand that things like this do not die within one generation.... So I still have to try to understand the pain that my father has [unintentionally] passed onto me.....

    You would think being majorly faithful in God would solve this problem..... but it did not for me...... And so the insanity goes on............

    I know what it is..... The Bible says that Satan is the power in this world.... although God exists, he allows Satan to exist and influence us. That is my belief. If you don't understand it, I have no problem with that.

    But my dealing with evil is because I cannot overcome that evil I guess........ Religious stuff always ends up being "crazy..." ..........

    I watched 9/11 live on TV. I was so numb already that I thought..... "Hrm.... I knew something like this would happen someday."

    This did have something to do with my life......
  9. PuraVida22

    PuraVida22 Member

    P.S. Now I know that Islamic people had nothing to do with that. And if someone comes to kill me because I speak the truth, so let it be. I am not afraid of those who act against God's will.............. There is no Islamic person guilty of terrorism against the U.S. in 2001............................. None.............................................................................................................................................
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