This is going to sound so mental, but drink and drugs has ruled my life for so long and now Ive stopped Ive finally realised that when I die, I do not want to die drunk, because then at least no one can call me a drunk again and that its all because of the drink. No i want people to know that I suffered and I want some people to know that it was there fault why Im in this mess.. This sounds absolutely mental right?? I want people to suffer because what Ive been through because they couldnt keep the grubby creepy hands off me when I was vulnerable and that they thought they could take advantage of me. I want people to know that I care about people who hate my guts, and that Im doing this to make there life so much easier so that they dont have to breath in the same room as me and feel disgusted... I no when I do die it is my choice, my fault and my right to die, yet is it wrong to want people to feel the pain and the hurt that they caused me for years. I feel so angry right now, I just want to run and hide and cry and cut and DIE. I am not going to drink though, because everytime Ive been drunk I make it so that I am found, but this time I am not going to be found. Got it planned, got it sussed. I will fucking show all those people that they are not the ones who are destroying me and my life, that it is me doing it, because I am not letting those perverted basterds win, because I am going to do it because I cannot bear life anymore. All that ever happens is people think they have some sort of right to rape me, kick the fuck out of me, rape me, beat me up, rape me and destroy everything that I have worked so hard for. I am nothing. I have no job no life no future, and I certainly have a past that I wish I didnt. Why does life suck? I wish I knew, not that I could do much about it. However I know that I will hurt people who havent hurt me, however there are so few people who truly cares about me that it is worth the sacrifice. Im sick and tired of living shit every single fucking day. Im finished.