The doc said only a few more hours and I wouldn't have made it. Robbed yet again of the peace I so long for. Now more work, physical therapy for my hand and eye and irreversible damage to my body. Right now I feel like I did when my husband would rape me. So scared while it was happening but now empty, robbed, confused and mad! Why did this have to happen to me? Why couldn't people just leave things alone? Why couldn't they just let me reach the place I had set out to find? Now what? My family is pissed that I "disrupted" their schedules. And it's going to be a long time before they even begin to forgive me. But I don't want their forgiveness this time. I don't want to kiss their asses again. I don't need their constant reminders of how useless and selfish I am. The only one that half ass gets it is my youngest sister. She said, too bad, wasted all those pills. What do I do? The suicidal feelings are still there as strong as ever. I'm so tired and broken. Mere hours, I was so close. Why keep taking this away from me? Already I find myself taking comfort in the thoughts of suicide. but too tired to do anything about it. As far as I'm concerned, I shouldn't even be able to post here. I should be at peace.