Merry Christmas Yeah Right!

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by gointhrumotions, Dec 27, 2014.

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  1. gointhrumotions

    gointhrumotions New Member

    I want to tell my children how incredibly painful it was to not get contacted in any way on Christmas Day. I was so happy choosing presents for them. I feel I am no longer of any particular use or value. I am not allowed to say how I feel as it is selfish and self-indulgent. I feel like if I was a better person I would do a better of job of pretending I don't care and just carrying on, but I'm just tired and don't see the point of trying so hard anymore. I have been looking at the ways to commit suicide. <mod edit - methods>. I will leave a note on my front door so that police are sent around so my friends or family do not find me. I am on my own for so much I do not think that anyone will be around for a long time anyway. It will not be until January 5th that people from work will realise I am not working, but they will still take a while to click as I work remotely on computer from head office. I am tired of always being judged so much more harshly than my children's expectations of themselves and others. I am never good enough. I feel like an emotional punching bag.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hear you and it is very painful not to be part of Christmas celebration with your family children I am sorry they do not see your pain. Perhaps instead of leaving and hurting them perhaps reach out to crisis line ok talk to someone there. It has help me to talk to someone who will listen and who does care. I know it hurts i do hun but don't hurt yourself instead show your children how strong you are by reaching out for support when you need it. You do deserve kindness and compassion
     
  3. alphamale

    alphamale New Member

    hey..pretending is what has brought you this far..no one needs to pretend anything..tell me more about why they treat you like this in your opinion..and why your alone..im here to talk if you want, i dont pull punches but i do listen well...
     
  4. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    It was weird of your kids not contacting you especially on Christmas, did you contact them reaching out?
     
  5. gointhrumotions

    gointhrumotions New Member

    Yes it is weird. That is why I feel so gutted. I feel like I do not know them anymore. I would never treat them or anyone else how I have been treated the last year.
    I took an armload of Christmas presents around to my son's home for his family on Christmas Eve. He met me on the verandah, instructed me to put them on the table, asked how work was then said goodbye. He did not offer so much as a glass of water. He did not bother to contact me on Christmas day to say if they liked the presents. The same happened with the birthday presents I gave them this year. No thanks no acknowledgement.
    Earlier this year I took around some steak for a BBQ. I had been out of work since the beginning of the year. I had always been fully employed prior to that. I am 59 years old and a teacher. I was thinking of moving to another area to get work as it is hard to get where I am. When I said my plans my daughter-in-law told me it was stupid idea that I was lazy and not trying hard enough to get work. When I started getting tears in my eyes and went to leave because I did not want my grandchildren to see me upset she started screaming at me. My son told me her family believe in telling the truth and that our family should be more like that.
    I can honestly say I have never been the interfering mother-in-law stereotype. I have always been uncritical and supportive of their plans and praised their accomplishments. They have been very successful with career and finances and I was proud of them for all sorts of reasons - including that I thought they were good people with good values.
    I have always done the visiting. I have been told my home is too small, too uninteresting and too close to where they live (60 kms away) to be interesting to visit.
    I have nevertheless tried to find reasons for their behaviour and not take offense. I have sent texts and emails asking if we can meet to talk and move on. with no response on their part. The most I am allowed to do is drop off a present and leave with no change. I though when I got a job a few months ago it might make a difference, but it hasn't. It makes me feel like I am worthless -that I do not deserve even a grudging Merry Christmas as a courtesy and it breaks my heart that this is the attitude my grandchildren see taken towards me.
     
  6. gointhrumotions

    gointhrumotions New Member

    Why I pretend is I have learnt it does not pay to be honest and say when something hurts you. It seems from my experience if I say when and why something hurts me that people feel uncomfortable with you for saying anything and you then get treated worse and it just prolongs or prevents any resolution.

    I did think I had a very good relationship with my son and his partner. Earlier this year I took around some steak for a BBQ. I had been out of work since the beginning of the year. I had always been fully employed prior to that. I am 59 years old and a teacher. I was thinking of moving to another area to get work as it is hard to get where I am. When I said my plans my daughter-in-law told me it was stupid idea that I was lazy and not trying hard enough to get work. When I started getting tears in my eyes and went to leave because I did not want my grandchildren to see me upset she started screaming at me. My son told me her family believe in telling the truth and that our family should be more like that.
    I can honestly say I have never been the interfering mother-in-law stereotype. I have always been uncritical and supportive of their plans and praised their accomplishments. They have been very successful with career and finances and I was proud of them for all sorts of reasons - including that I thought they were good people with good values.
    I have always done the visiting. I have been told my home is too small, too uninteresting and too close to where they live (60 kms away) to be interesting to visit. This was hurtful and I thought rude, but I accepted it, and chose to do all the visiting, making the excuse that it was easier for me anyway - and I want to be part of my grandchildren's lives.
    I have tried to find reasons for their behaviour and not take offense. I have sent texts and emails asking if we can meet to talk and move on. with no response on their part. The most I am allowed to do is drop off a present and leave with no change in their bothering to contact me in any way. I thought when I got a job a few months ago it might make a difference, but it hasn't.

    I took an armload of Christmas presents around to my son's home for his family on Christmas Eve. He met me on the verandah, instructed me to put them on the table, asked how work was then said goodbye. He did not offer so much as a glass of water. He did not bother to contact me on Christmas day to say if they liked the presents. The same happened with the birthday presents I gave them this year. No thanks no acknowledgement. It makes me feel like I am worthless -that I do not deserve even a grudging Merry Christmas as a courtesy and it breaks my heart that this is the attitude my grandchildren see taken towards me.
     
  7. BruceWayneWannabe

    BruceWayneWannabe Active Member

    I'm so sorry you were treated like this. Just from your couple of posts, you seem like a good person who doesn't deserve this. I wish there were something I could do to help. That story was heartbreaking.
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I too am very sorry you were treated this way. ''An emotional punchbag'' That sums up how I feel at times. Words hurt. Feelings hurt. Feeling lower than everyone else really hurts. I hope you can find a safe way out of this, you do not deserve to be treated this way. You sound like a nice person, you deserve better.

    Good luck to you.
     
  9. nothinman81

    nothinman81 Antiquities Friend

    Over the last couple years the holidays have been especially hard for me too. I feel like I totally understand where you're coming from. Oddly, maybe I come from a different side of the coin.

    At this point in my life, after looking around this Christmas, I couldn't bring myself to pick up the phone and call any of my family. I just didn't have it in me. I didn't call my mom. I wish I could have.

    You sound like you've been a good parent.
     
  10. lost81

    lost81 Staff Alumni

    That is very upsetting, very sorry. No way you can play the selfish and self-indulgent card as excuse for not contacting your mum at Christmas. That is just plain shitty. They have lots of making up to do and then some.
     
  11. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Very sorry your kids treating you like this. It seems heartless and can break anybody's heart especially coming from their own kids. Im glad for you to find a job just for stability, it's not easy being a teacher in today's time and age. A lot of layoffs constantly worrying if they will have a job from year to year. You're not being lazy. It's a hard profession it's not like 10 years ago anymore.
     
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