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Message in a Bottle

#1
Hello - I am here because I am drowning in loneliness and have no one to confide in. I'm 59 and have no friends. It fills me with shame to admit this. I have interactions with co-workers, people I've volunteered with, but no really deep connections to anyone other than my grown children. I would never burden them with my troubles. I wasn't always so alone but life and death events have ended the friendships I've had and I find it hard to make new ones. Up until the pandemic I could fill my time with distractions but those outlets are gone for now and I'm forced to see how empty my life is. I seem to have lost the resilience I had when I was younger - I used to be able to go out and meet people, entertain at my home, date. Everything seemed to change for me when I married a man who turned out to be an abuser. I left him after 4 years, but we had children together and I was somewhat tied to him until our children were grown. I had focused my energies on raising my children, and caring for two of my elders. And then one day I realized the kids were grown, the elders had died, what was I doing with my life now? I tried a dating site. I went on one date 2 years ago. It was cringey. I think I was viewed as not attractive enough to warrant a second date with the man I had corresponded with, and who I had thought had potential. I just couldn't bring myself to try again until just recently. And when it got to the point where I thought I was hitting it off with a couple of prospective men and they wanted to meet up, I just panicked at the thought of being rejected and wiped my profile. I haven't had a relationship with a man for 17 years, and I think I may never again. And the thought of growing older, alone, and never feeling the closeness of another person is filling me with a panicky dread. I don't consider ending my life, but I can't imagine living like this for several more years. I used to view myself as strong and independent. Now I feel pathetic. I've sought out therapy a couple of times but didn't feel like the therapist really got me. I am very sensitive and introverted but I never used to let that stop me from making a go at socializing time to time. I am at a loss. I just wanted to tell someone.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#2
Hi, welcome to SF. I think a lot of people here can relate to the loneliness you feel. I hope you stick around and get to know us. *hug
 

Thauoy

Well-Known Member
#4
Hi @Szerina . Welcome to SF. Here you will find a lot of people who can relate with you. I feel sorry for what you are going through. Think that someone does care about the hurt you feel. Please keep posted and share your feelings. Best wishes and hugs.
 

WildCherry

Owner Emeritus
#5
Hi and welcome!! I'm sorry you're struggling but glad you found us. Communities like this have always been important, but more so now with the pandemic and limited ability to socialize.
 

JDot

J to the Dizzle O to the Tizzle
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#6
Hey @Szerina I understand you're depressed and lonely living in an empty nest. And the pandemic only adds to this loneliness because it is harder to socialize and meet new people. I'm glad you found SF. This place will help you meet online friends who understand the depression and loneliness. You'll always have a place here to share your thoughts and feelings. We're here for you. And we're glad to have you here.
 

KM76710

KM stands for Kangaroo Manager
SF Supporter
#7
Hello and glad to see you here. Much of your message can and does describe me very well. I have always been apart and separate from society and all the people I have felt any connection with are gone in the far past.
 

Waves

Well-Known Member
#8
Hello - I am here because I am drowning in loneliness and have no one to confide in. I'm 59 and have no friends. It fills me with shame to admit this. I have interactions with co-workers, people I've volunteered with, but no really deep connections to anyone other than my grown children. I would never burden them with my troubles. I wasn't always so alone but life and death events have ended the friendships I've had and I find it hard to make new ones. Up until the pandemic I could fill my time with distractions but those outlets are gone for now and I'm forced to see how empty my life is. I seem to have lost the resilience I had when I was younger - I used to be able to go out and meet people, entertain at my home, date. Everything seemed to change for me when I married a man who turned out to be an abuser. I left him after 4 years, but we had children together and I was somewhat tied to him until our children were grown. I had focused my energies on raising my children, and caring for two of my elders. And then one day I realized the kids were grown, the elders had died, what was I doing with my life now? I tried a dating site. I went on one date 2 years ago. It was cringey. I think I was viewed as not attractive enough to warrant a second date with the man I had corresponded with, and who I had thought had potential. I just couldn't bring myself to try again until just recently. And when it got to the point where I thought I was hitting it off with a couple of prospective men and they wanted to meet up, I just panicked at the thought of being rejected and wiped my profile. I haven't had a relationship with a man for 17 years, and I think I may never again. And the thought of growing older, alone, and never feeling the closeness of another person is filling me with a panicky dread. I don't consider ending my life, but I can't imagine living like this for several more years. I used to view myself as strong and independent. Now I feel pathetic. I've sought out therapy a couple of times but didn't feel like the therapist really got me. I am very sensitive and introverted but I never used to let that stop me from making a go at socializing time to time. I am at a loss. I just wanted to tell someone.
Hello ,
You actually sound more outgoing than I am. But then again it doesn’t take much for that. I am in your shoes. Not meeting your Date’s expectations rang true for me too. He literally had a checklist, albeit not in writing l. He interviewed me like a job applicant etc. and I failed his test. That was just a blip in a series of events that has brought me to the same place you are in. How to make it better? Talk around with clinics and people about a therapist skilled in trauma and abuse. And talk. Then I suggest being involved in your children’s lives. Go to lunch etc. As for finding a friend? I have no advice. I have been trying for 3 year and at 60, no luck.
 

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