Hello - I am here because I am drowning in loneliness and have no one to confide in. I'm 59 and have no friends. It fills me with shame to admit this. I have interactions with co-workers, people I've volunteered with, but no really deep connections to anyone other than my grown children. I would never burden them with my troubles. I wasn't always so alone but life and death events have ended the friendships I've had and I find it hard to make new ones. Up until the pandemic I could fill my time with distractions but those outlets are gone for now and I'm forced to see how empty my life is. I seem to have lost the resilience I had when I was younger - I used to be able to go out and meet people, entertain at my home, date. Everything seemed to change for me when I married a man who turned out to be an abuser. I left him after 4 years, but we had children together and I was somewhat tied to him until our children were grown. I had focused my energies on raising my children, and caring for two of my elders. And then one day I realized the kids were grown, the elders had died, what was I doing with my life now? I tried a dating site. I went on one date 2 years ago. It was cringey. I think I was viewed as not attractive enough to warrant a second date with the man I had corresponded with, and who I had thought had potential. I just couldn't bring myself to try again until just recently. And when it got to the point where I thought I was hitting it off with a couple of prospective men and they wanted to meet up, I just panicked at the thought of being rejected and wiped my profile. I haven't had a relationship with a man for 17 years, and I think I may never again. And the thought of growing older, alone, and never feeling the closeness of another person is filling me with a panicky dread. I don't consider ending my life, but I can't imagine living like this for several more years. I used to view myself as strong and independent. Now I feel pathetic. I've sought out therapy a couple of times but didn't feel like the therapist really got me. I am very sensitive and introverted but I never used to let that stop me from making a go at socializing time to time. I am at a loss. I just wanted to tell someone.