Messed up boyfriend.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by ali-wali, Nov 5, 2010.

  1. ali-wali

    ali-wali Well-Known Member

    We've been going out a year, I think we've probli just about drained everything out of the relationship, I recently found out he'd been going on a swingers site, (fabswingers.com) Anyway I read through some messages and found out he'd been sucked off by a transexual. Now I am in no way shape or form a homosexual, I have a gay bestfriend and to me been gay isn't strange at all. But, when it's my boyfriend I was like wtfff as you can imagine. He's been talking to all these gay couples, and male and female couples. And he told me he didn't realise this 'woman' was in actual fact a former man. But it clearly said on 'her' profile that she was a tv/ts. this happened just before we started going out so he hasn't cheated on me, but he still talks to people on the site, like cybering with them. I've told him so many times he can tell me if he is gay or bisxeual. Also I've found loads of dating sites he's on and he claims he's bisexual on those. I don't know what to do! Why would he lie about been bisexual if the same sex doesn't attract him? Anyway I finished him and punched him and attacked him for a good half n hour. But I soon realised that no matter how messed up he was and how much he'd upset me he was in actual fact all I have. It's like I know I should finish him but I can't bring myself to be alone, I've got nobody left, and the one person I did have has completely screwed my mind up!! garrrrrrrrr I HATE MEN.
     
  2. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I can understand how that must have hurt you and probably made you quite confused, but I think punching and attacking him was a little too far. Physical violence isn't the solution to such a problem. If he's keeping secrets, carrying on with these online dating sites or not being completely honest with you, then the best thing you can do is just leave him. He may be all you had but that doesn't mean that he's any good for you. Sometimes it's better to have nothing than to have something that is bad for you. All you can do to get over this is distract yourself with other things as much as possible and NOT go back to him - at least not unless you feel that he is able to be honest with you and your relationship can change for the better.

    In the end it's unfair on both you and him to stay in a relationship that you're only in for because you'll otherwise be lonely. That's absolutely no basis for a relationship whatsoever.

    Good luck in whatever happens though, I know only too well how you feel as I went through something somewhat similar with my ex (without the whole transexual thing, it was mostly just women in my case).
     
  3. ali-wali

    ali-wali Well-Known Member

    Yeah it's not the only reason I'm with him, I love him, he's been there for me through so much, and he is still the nicest person in the world no matter what he's done. And tbh I'm glad I attacked him, because when you read messages from your boyfriend saying 'what you upto this weekend I'd love to cum in your mouth again' to a tranny the best thing to do is physically hurt him. Might sound wrong but it was harder me reading those messages. 4 days before my 18th birthday and I'd paid for us to stay in a hotel which costs 100 a night down south for it. And I don't trust him right now, but I'm praying that I do learn too in the future. My mind is telling me to finish it. The hardest thing is getting over the fact that he may or may not be gay/bisexual and I'll probli never know.
     
  4. jasonkramer

    jasonkramer Well-Known Member

    why do you assume hes gay or bi? i am 100% heterosexual. i love women and i prefer to be around women. but that dosent mean i wouldn't screw another guy or have him give me a blow job. maybe he just likes dominating other people. and if his other sexual encounters all involve him in the dominate role, receiving the oral or giving the back side, then perhaps he simply feels the need to show dominance over people. this dosent make him a bad person or anything, just the way he is.

    also maybe when he gets horny, anything goes for him as long as he gets his sexual needs met. this is basically how i am. in my normal state i only want women. but when my sex drive is bugging me then anything goes.
     
  5. ali-wali

    ali-wali Well-Known Member

    well on these sites he only speak to people who were men, maybe the odd male and female couple but mainly trannys or males. I might just be acting on it all too much, guess I'm just confused. It's just bloody weird seeing him talking to men, a couple sent him a picture of their never ever regions and he was like 'oh big boys' I cnt actually stop laughing when thinking about it, which is abit weird. I tried telling my mum and I couldn't from laughter. I rang a few of them up the trannys, and i actually spoke to one but just pretended I got the wrong number, they sounded like men too, maybe they are doing it in secret? who knows. When things can't get any worse, they always do, lol.
     
  6. ali-wali

    ali-wali Well-Known Member

    And would you actually fuck another guy? And put on a site for everyone to see that you like giving anal to men? Come onnn man your well having a joke there. And he's not dominant with me, it's mainly the other way round haha. He is lovely though. He could kill someone and still be innocent to me I swear.
     
  7. jasonkramer

    jasonkramer Well-Known Member

    putting it on the net? no. actually doing the need yes depending how much my sex drive is bugging me.

    to put it in a more primal way. women are not usally a threat to men. on the other hand other men are. so in order to feel safe we tend to want to fight each other in order to prove our dominance. at least it ust to be this way. western society has weeded a lot of this out. any how other, than fighting, the act of doing it with another guy, with him basically in the "female" position, would be for many guys a major power trip.

    also maybe these guys are just better than you at oral. i would expect a woman to give better oral to another women than most men would be able too.
     
  8. ali-wali

    ali-wali Well-Known Member

    Haha no, because he never went back to the tranny but he always comes back to me! :p Guess it's just one of those things that'll just pan out. And he never stated which position or anything, so how do we know he's not the reciever? I'm starting to vision things nowww, GET OUT OF MY MINDDDDD! hehe Either way I can't explain what he did or why he did it, so I just need to wait for him to tell me when he's ready... maybe tomorrow? Hmm think not. :(
     
  9. jasonkramer

    jasonkramer Well-Known Member

    fine you win, i yield! :throw:
     
  10. fisch

    fisch Well-Known Member

    Maybe he thinks it's not cheating if it's not with a girl. Not saying that this is correct though. He cheated on you, regardless of if it's with a man, woman or horse.
     
  11. ali-wali

    ali-wali Well-Known Member

    Yeah maybe, don't think he's that silly though. I don't reckon he's physically cheated on me, but then again I never thought he'd got sucked off by a tranny in his past.
     
  12. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    If he thinks it's so harmless as you say he might (as in, he isn't really cheating) then why has he not talked about it with you or been a little more open about it? At the end of the day, he's still sending other people dirty messages, still keeping secrets and still perhaps even lying to you about certain things. I understand that you love him - I still loved my ex after I found out he'd been with other people whilst he was with me - but that doesn't make it right to still be with him. I have read messages somewhat similar to that that my ex sent to other people before but I can't say that hitting him would have helped the situation any. The trust issue will take a long time to heal, if it ever does, but if you're willing to stay with him despite his on-going actions then perhaps you have a chance, just as long as he doesn't take it any further or start something up in real life. I just know from personal experience that it's very hard to come back from something like that.
     
  13. fisch

    fisch Well-Known Member

    Hmm, I've been thinking about this. I know you feel like you won't meet anyone else, Alice, but trust me you will. Just think of it as a temporary period of loneliness, a sacrifice for long-term happiness with someone who's not going to cheat on you - though I know you can't bear to think about finding someone else right now. The main thing in this situation is keeping your dignity, doing other things in your life to show everyone that your world doesn't revolve around him, not letting anyone see how much this has broken you (though there's nothing wrong with showing emotion, of course). On the other hand, if you choose to stay with him, it has to be on your terms, stand up to him, you have to straight up ask him if he's ever going to do it again, because if he does then it wouldn't be fair on anyone, especially you. Always keep your dignity.

    Regarding the punching issue, I think it's a perfectly understandable reaction, my dear. Though I would say, if a girl cheated on a guy, and he punched her, it would rightly be regarded as unacceptable. But overall, you are clearly more in the right and he is more in the wrong, and I do hope things get better for you. x
     
  14. ali-wali

    ali-wali Well-Known Member

    hey everyone, just want to say thankyou so much for your advice. My old boyfriend cheated on me, but with a girl I finished him and had no problems even though we were together from 13 years old to 17 years old. And I totally accept that some of you may find it cruel for me to attack him, and I don't want any of you to think I'm an aggressive person. I did it out of shock. I felt so sorry for him when I was asking if he was gay, and embaressed for him. So I guess I ended up feeling like I'd done something wrong. And I'm trying so hard to forgive him, he has unfortunately done this before, once he opened a text infront of me from a random number, but he told me he'd stopped and then a few months later I found the website which he got the number from. So I doubt I am ever going to be able to trust him, I wish he'd finish me it'd make it alot easier lol.
     
  15. fisch

    fisch Well-Known Member

    I'm really pleased for you. :hug: And like I said, it was understandable that you would resort to that, when you've given him so much in the relationship and cared so much for him. Here's to a new life.
     
  16. Will

    Will Staff Alumni

    Hi Alice.

    I just read your thread and I'm going through a similar situation. I am really glad you got out of that relationship. I too had a relationship with someone I grew up with (14-19 for me) and yeah, it's hard as hell to uproot yourself sometimes from these things, but I think we'll be better off. There's gotta be someone out there!

    Congrats for being so strong, and I hope you find someone who can appreciate you.
     
  17. ali-wali

    ali-wali Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear you too had a hard relationship. And thanks for your support. On this site is the only place I get support advice and respect from. And I do hope I find somebody who cares enough to not upset me anymore than I already am. I best put some make-up on and get on the prowl, wont find any men inside my house with the curtains shut! Good luck to us in our love searching eh xx